Wings of the Wind
by Hitokiri Hobbit
Summary: The story of Haruka's childhood. Rated for themes and disturbing content.
1. Evanescence

**AN: Another from my high school days. I was kind of bothered by the lack of history given for the Outer Senshi, so here's a bit. Nothing canonical has been altered.**

Part I

Evanescence:

_"Haruka-chan… my Haruka-chan, I love you."_

The waves broke below Ten'ou Haruka as they collided with the beams supporting the bridge. She stared out at the distant horizon. Nothing but sky and ocean obstructed her vision. Not a boat on the sea, not a bird in the air… The wind wrapped comfortingly around her, seeming to flow through her as if she and it were one.

_"Haruka-chan…"_

The teenager allowed the aluminum can, still half-full of the beverage within — she had not been paying enough attention to notice what, though she had noted with slight disappointment that it was not alcoholic — to slip from her grasp. It fell through the air to crash into the waves below, its contents causing a momentary discoloration in the deep blue water before dissipating into nothingness.

_"I love__….__"_

Haruka had not loved anyone since nearly ten years past. She did not often think of love. She had neither felt it toward another human being nor received it in a decade. She had grown used to being alone. People were best dealt with at arm's distance.

_"Haruka…"_

As far as Haruka was concerned, memories were little more than a pain in the ass. She'd just as soon forget the past. The future along with it… She cared for nothing but the moment she was living in, the only moment that mattered. It was in this moment that she could achieve her dreams — not yesterday, not tomorrow, only now. Only her present actions could make a difference. She couldn't give a shit about anything else. The future had nothing to offer her. The past had given her nothing. She expected nothing of anyone but herself. No one else, neither their thoughts nor their actions, made a difference to Haruka. They were not a part of her, and she was not a part of them. She was entirely alone, and she would just as soon have been completely alone.

The wind blew lightly at Haruka's hair. She almost felt as if it was her own spirit. She could give herself to the wind, become only it, and only the wind truly understood her. Nothing was as constant in its inconsistency as the wind. And she heard the whispers of it in her ear….

_"Haruka-chan…"_

* * * * *

"Haruka-chan! Be careful!" Shujinkou Shinyuuki pulled her daughter down from the bridge's railing. "You'll fall if you're not careful."

"I won't fall, Mama. The wind will catch me, and I'll fly away!"

Haruka's words received a small chuckle from the girl's mother. "Who told you that?"

"No one did. When I felt the wind, I knew that it would catch me."

Shinyuuki smiled and leaned down to run a hand through her daughter's sandy hair. "You shouldn't put so much faith in such silly fantasies. You might get hurt, and what would I ever do without my Haruka-chan?"

"I don't believe in fairy tales, Mama, but I did believe the wind."

"Haruka-chan, you do believe in some fairy tales," Shinyuuki said, walking along beside her daughter as they started home.

"No I don't."

"But what about the books I read to you at night?"

The girl shook her head. "I don't believe in those either. I've never seen any talking animals or magic wizards, so why should I believe in them? And I don't need a handsome prince to come and save me — I want to be strong enough to save myself."

"That's quite grown-up talk for such a little girl."

"Is it bad, Mama?" Haruka looked up with guilty blue-green eyes. "Gomen nasai…"

"There's nothing wrong with it, Haruka-chan. Don't ever be sorry for the way you see things. Even if other people don't see it the same way you do, your view is important."

"Who's it important to?"

"It's important to you, Haruka-chan. If you think something is important, that makes it important, regardless of what anyone else might say. Do you understand?"

"Hai, Mama, I think I understand."

Shinyuuki unlocked the door to their apartment and pushed it open, kicking the bottom of the door while jiggling the knob, which she'd learned over the years was the only way to get it to open. "Hashira, are you home?" she called inside as the door swung in. Haruka ran in ahead of her.

"He's not here," the child, after having checked every room in the small apartment, called back to her mother, who was just hanging up her jacket by the door. Shinyuuki was not surprised. It was not often that her husband ever returned so early. Shujinkou Hashira was known to be found in the local bars of Kyoto after work hours, oftentimes until dark. More likely than not, he would not be home for hours yet.

Haruka rarely saw her father, as he usually came in after her bedtime. But she heard him. When she would lay awake at night, she could hear her parents arguing. Sometimes they argued about Hashira's drinking problem, sometimes about their relationship, sometimes about Haruka. She understood that they were only together because of her. No one had planned for her birth. Had it not been for her unexpected existence, Hashira and Shinyuuki's relationship would have been limited to one night of burning passions and forgotten caution. But once they'd discovered Shinyuuki's pregnancy, they had arranged to be married. Hashira had quit college in order to hold a full-time job, and Shinyuuki had dropped out of high school once the pregnancy progressed to the point at which she could not easily make it through a full day away from home. They'd rented a two-bedroom apartment in the ghetto of downtown Kyoto and had lived there with their daughter since.

Haruka knew that her father resented being tied down by his duties as a husband and a father, though he rarely stayed sober long enough to fulfill them. She also knew how Shinyuuki longed to be free to follow her dreams. She had wanted to be an architect and would have made achieved it, had she had the chance to complete high school. She often spoke of a better life for herself and for Haruka, but nothing ever changed. She remained with Hashira, firm in her belief that Haruka needed a father figure and anyhow too limited in resources to truly pursue a better life through education or any other means. With her youthful dreams crushed, she devoted all her love and passion to her daughter, spending as much time at home as her part-time job as a sales clerk allowed. She had dedicated her life to Haruka's happiness, to raising the child into a human being capable of following her own dreams someday.

"Mama, the race is on! There are still four more laps to go." Haruka had been interested in professional car racing since toddlerhood. Shinyuuki's brother, Kazekage, was a mechanic and had taught her all the basics of cars already, and the child had swiftly learned everything he told her, still only five years of age. But Kazekage had been offered a job in Italy and planned to leave in only a month, taking with him practically the only real friendship Haruka had claim to. She got along all right with the children her age, but no friends had yet stuck.

"Mama, you're going to miss it!"

"Let me know who wins," Shinyuuki said to her daughter before picking up a book from the coffee table in the living room and sitting down on the sofa to read.

"Whatcha reading, Mama?" Haruka asked over her shoulder once the race was finished.

"It's a medical book, honey."

"Doushite? You always said you wanted to be an archiotect."

"Architect, sweetheart, and that's right. But there's nothing wrong with learning, whether or not it's where your truest interests lie."

"What kind of medicine book is it?" the girl asked, climbing onto the couch to sit next to her mother and look over her shoulder.

"It's about a disease called leukemia."

"Can I get luke-a-mia?"

"It's not likely, dear. It's not a contagious disease."

"What's that mean?"

Shinyuuki smiled, running a hand through her daughter's hair. "It means you can't catch it from other people."

"If you can't catch it, then how come you're reading a book about it?"

"Because, like I said, there's nothing wrong with learning."

"Look! They're having interviews with the drivers!" Haruka jumped down from the couch to return to her place directly in front of the television. Shinyuuki chuckled softly and went back to her reading.

Only another half-hour had passed when they heard the sound of a door slamming, and Hashira's voice called, "Yuuki, you here?"

Shinyuuki slid her book under the couch and said quickly, "Haruka, baby, go to your room." Haruka obeyed immediately, leaving the television on behind her. Shinyuuki flipped it off before turning to her husband, who was still by the door. He was drunk, she could tell by his voice. He was back very early, though. He must have gotten off work earlier than usual to have had so much to drink and have returned so soon.

Hashira braced himself against the wall to stay upright. "What time did you leave work?" Shinyuuki asked as she took off his jacket and hung it up before guiding him into the living room to sit on the couch, where she herself had been a minute before.

"I dunno… What time is it?"

"Early. You're usually not back for hours."

"Where's Haruka?"

"In her bedroom."

"Bring her out here; I wanna see her."

Shinyuuki shook her head firmly as she helped to take off his shoes. "Not until you're a little more sober."

Hashira stood up, swaying a bit as he did so, but he managed to stay on his feet. "She's my own kid, Yuuki! I've got a right to see her whenever the hell I want to!"

Shinyuuki put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into a sitting position. "She's my daughter too, Hashira, and I don't want you near her in this condition."

"Dammit, Yuuki…"

"I don't want to hear it. Now, if you stay right there, I'll fix you some dinner. You probably haven't eaten anything since lunch break, have you?"

Haruka, able to hear every word her parents were saying in the next room, sat on her bed with her knees tucked up to her chest. Her fingers furiously pressed the buttons on a small, hand-held racing game, but her mind was having trouble concentrating. She finally put the game down and allowed her head to rest on her knees.

When Shinyuuki entered her daughter's room several hours later, she found the girl lying on the bed, sprawled on top of the covers. "Where's Papa?" the girl asked as her mother softly closed the door behind her.

"He's asleep," Shinyuuki answered softly as she moved to sit on the bed next to her daughter. Haruka sat up, dangling her feet over the side. "It may be about time for you to get to bed too."

Haruka released her hair from its semi-high ponytail, and it cascaded down to brush her sharp shoulder blades. She allowed her mother to comb out the tangles while she tried her best to sit still. The woman then helped the girl into her pajamas before tucking her warmly into the bed.

"Mama, will you read to me tonight?" Haruka asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

"But you don't believe in the fairy tales I read anymore," Shinyuuki pointed out.

"I don't care. Read anything. Kazekage gave me a new car magazine — read that."

Shinyuuki tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "Would you like me to read that to you?"

Haruka nodded. "Hai."

The woman sighed, smiling sadly. "You're growing up too fast for me. Already you've outgrown fairy tales and make believe. But I suppose you can't stay my little girl forever."

"Does anything last forever, Mama?" Haruka asked, her eyes burning with a childish honesty. She truly desired an answer — any answer — to her dark question.

"I suppose some things do. Love lasts forever… and dreams."

"But don't they end when the person dies?"

Shinyuuki smiled. Haruka wasn't sure why. "It depends on what you believe in."

"What do you believe, Mama?"

"I believe your dreams and your love last as long as your heart's strength allows."

"What's that mean?"

The young woman leaned down to kiss Haruka's forehead. "You'll understand when you find something that you know will last forever." Picking up Haruka's auto magazine, Shinyuuki began to read and continued until the girl was fast asleep. Kissing the child's cheek softly, she whispered, "I love you, my little Haruka-chan." She then stood and left her daughter to sleep in peace, turning off the light as she exited the room.

* * * * *

Haruka leapt into the air, allowing the basketball to leave her fingertips and soar through the air toward its mark. It bounced off the rim to fall into the hands of the opposing team. She swore under her breath and immediately moved to intercept once again.

Haruka was about the only child her age — not to mention the only girl — who the boys around her neighborhood would allow to play basketball with them. She was never first picked, and she was always first blamed for everything, but she still got to play. After all, she was the only other kid around good enough to when the teams were uneven.

Haruka did her best to block the boy with the ball, but he was much bigger than she was. He pushed past her, knocking her to the ground, and scored. The girl swore again, hitting the pavement with her fist.

"Dammit!" Kenji, one of the older boys on Haruka's team, kicked the ground in anger. "Tomo-kun, why do you always let her play, anyway?" Haruka climbed to her feet, ignoring Kenji as well as she could while she retrieved the ball. "We'd be better off just playing with one less on our team," he continued. "She's just a stupid _girl_."

Her temper snapping, Haruka yelled and threw the basketball hard at Kenji's face. He was too surprised to duck, and the ball connected solidly with his nose. The boy screamed in pain as a stream of blood burst from his face. He charged at the girl, set on making her pay for her transgression.

Haruka ducked out of the way, far more agile with her slender build than the heavy preteen, and grabbed his arm, twisting it behind his back so that he could not move. Kenji yelled angrily, reaching around with his other arm to grab her, but she remained safely out of his range. However, unfortunately for her, the other boys were more inclined to support Kenji than Haruka, and when one of his friends came from behind and grabbed her by the back of the neck, lifting her clear off the ground, she was forced to let go of the boy's arm.

The child kicked wildly, struggling to regain freedom. She finally kicked backward with her right foot, hitting her captor hard in the groin. He dropped Haruka, and she fell to the ground as he doubled over in pain. Soon, all the other boys were on top of Haruka. Her fists flew wildly, connecting with anything close by.

Haruka was not sure exactly what was happening when someone pulled her from the fray. She struggled for her freedom, even after she realized it was her mother who held her back. Glaring at the crowd of boys, now backing away, Haruka offered an insulting gesture. Shinyuuki slapped the girl's hand.

"Haruka-chan! What's gotten into you today?"

"Kenji said I can't play because I'm a girl!"

"Haruka-chan, they're all at least twice your size. How did you expect to win a fight like that? You shouldn't even _be _fighting! It's not right."

"Why not? They all deserve it."

Shinyuuki sighed as she dragged the girl away from the site of the scuffle. "That doesn't always matter. Just because someone deserves to be punished doesn't necessarily give _you_ the right to do it."

"But how come? Someone has to. If I'm strong enough to do it, I ought to. No one else is gonna."

Shinyuuki stopped walking and knelt down in front of Haruka. "Haruka-chan, you can't right every wrong through sheer strength alone."

"But some of them I can. Shouldn't I do what I can?"

The woman stood again and continued walking. "But you shouldn't fight just because someone makes you angry. Besides, someone could get hurt."

"Isn't that the point of fighting?"

"But what if you're the person to get hurt?"

"I'm not afraid of getting hurt, Mama." Haruka brushed a wild strand of long sandy bangs from her eyes. They fell just below her chin, framing her young, slender face. "I just don't want them to pick on me anymore. It's always about being too little or being a girl or always wearing boys' clothes and playing sports. They say I should wear dresses and go play with dolls like the other girls."

"Well, do you want to do those things? You always said you liked these clothes better than dresses."

"I do. But everyone acts like there's something wrong with it. Is there, Mama?"

"No, Haruka-chan. Never apologize for who you are or try to change because people tell you to. Just do what your heart tells you, you hear me? I trust your judgment more than anyone else's."

"Mama, do you want me to be the kind of girl who likes dolls and dresses?"

Shinyuuki stopped again, looking down at her daughter to catch the girl's eyes with her own. "Haruka-chan, I want you to be who you are. It's true that I always dreamed about having a little girl who would behave as I did as a child, with dreams of princesses and castles and ballroom dances. But I'd rather you be true to your heart, Haruka-chan, because you'll never be happy otherwise. Do you understand me? All I want is your happiness."

Haruka nodded slowly. "I think I understand, Mama. So you're not disappointed in me for not being all girly and pretty?"

"I think you are beautiful, Haruka-chan. And no, I could _never_ be disappointed in you." The child nodded again, but she still somehow felt, deep down, that she had failed her mother by not fulfilling her hopes for a little daughter. As though she was a failure for turning out a tomboy instead of a girly-girl with pink frills and sparkly makeup. She silently wondered if she could ever live up to her mother's dreams. Shinyuuki would always love her no matter what, there were no doubts on that case, yet Haruka still wished in many ways that she could be better for her mother. The woman had lost her dearest dreams because of Haruka's mere existence, after all. And she could not even carry Shinyuuki's dream of a perfect daughter, as if she was too weak to bear the burden. Or maybe she was just not brave enough. She was too busy running to ever face what she was supposed to be.

"Haruka-chan," Shinyuuki said as they arrived home, "you understand why I was angry about the fight? It's okay to want to do good, but not if you have to do wrong to achieve it."

"Hai," Haruka replied like a good little girl, though she honestly felt inclined to disagree.

"Good girl," the young woman said with a smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Haruka's ear. "Now go to your room and play for a little while. I need to make a phone call."

"Hai." An instant later, the girl was off to her bedroom with the door shut firmly behind her. With a heavy sigh, Shinyuuki picked up the telephone and began dialing her brother's number.

"Moshi moshi," Kazekage answered after a few rings.

"Kage, it's me."

"Yuuki, how are you doing? Did you talk to Otou-san and Okaa-san?"

"I did," Shinyuuki sighed. "They won't help."

"That can't be right! They have to… You're their _daughter_!"

The young woman shook her head, almost forgetting that he could not see her over the phone. "They told me when Haruka was born that I was on my own, and they've no reason to go back on their word. This is not their problem, Kazekage, and they do not owe me anything."

"Yuuki… This can't be… I mean, there has to be a way to fight it."

"Kage, we both knew it was over as soon as I was diagnosed."

There was a pause on the other end. "I'll turn down the job in Italy. There's no way I can go anywhere, not now…."

"Kage, this is your _dream_. I can't let you give it up for me."

After another pause, he asked, "What's going to happen to Haruka-chan?"

Shinyuuki sighed as she slid down the wall.

* * * * *

Haruka ran her fingers over the letters of her uncle's nametag: _Ten'ou Kazekage_.

"Excuse me, little lady." Kazekage took the tag from Haruka's hands, fastening it to his coveralls. He grinned down at her. "Like the name? I liked your mother's name better as Ten'ou Shinyuuki. Shujinkou Shinyuuki has too many 'sh' sounds — makes you sound like you have a speech impediment, saying it."

"Kage, what was Mama like when she was my age?"

"Well, considering I was only three at the time, I don't really remember that much. But… she was regal, as if she'd been born to be royalty. She would pretend to be a princess in some foreign land and would always dream of a handsome prince who would come and save her from everything. Yuuki always was a dreamer… her whole life. She never lost the dream. And then her dream became you." He smiled down at the girl, patting her small head.

"Does Mama wish I was more of a princess kind of girl?"

"Nah, she's proud of you. What other five-year-old could take on every punk on the block at once?" Kazekage laughed, winking mischievously at his niece. "Besides, you're gonna be the future champ of the circuit — who could be prouder?"

"Kage, where did Mama go today? She told me I had to come to work with you, but she didn't say why."

"She's got a doctor's appointment," he replied casually. "We all have to go to the doctor now and then, right?"

"Is she sick?"

Kazekage hesitated. "Yeah, Yuuki-chan has been a little sick lately, but that's why she's going, you know — to fix it."

"Will she be better after she goes to the doctor?"

"Of course, kid. What's the matter? Don't wanna spend all day here with your baka uncle?"

"No, I love coming here. You've got the best job ever, Kage."

"Ah, I'm just a mechanic, kid. That's why I'm going to Italy — they gave me a much better job than I have here. Working for a big car company."

Haruka ran her hand along the side of the car Kazekage was just starting to work on. "I want to be a racer."

"You will. I can just see it now — Shujinkou Haruka, undefeated champion, and her supreme mentor, Ten'ou Kazekage."

"Will you come back to Japan to see me race?"

"Of course, kid. I wouldn't miss it."

"And Mama will be there too?"

"I can't imagine her being anywhere else."

"Do you think Papa will come?" Haruka asked thoughtfully.

Kazekage paused. "You know, I never really got to know your papa that well, but he'd have to be crazy to not want to see you race. If I were in his place, I don't think I could ever stop bragging about a girl like you. I just hope my kids are half as cool as you are."

"You don't even have a girlfriend, Kage," Haruka laughed. "How do you plan to have kids?"

"Great," he mumbled. "I'm having my love life criticized by a five-year-old midget. I must be one pathetic loser."

Haruka laughed again. "Loser!"

"Ah, shut up, Haruka-chan, and give me a hand with this carburetor." She immediately moved to comply. Haruka had always loved spending time with Kazekage at work because it was only then that she really got a chance to be around cars. The repair garage had become her school, and she took advantage of every chance she was given to learn. Kazekage always let her help him with the cars, even if she was not strong enough to do everything right. Her hands were small, and she could get them into places that he and the other workers could not easily reach. The other mechanics had come to know her and had even adopted her as one of the group. She had a promise from every one of them to teach her all they knew about driving once she grew big enough.

"Kage, when you go to Italy, will you ever come back?" Haruka asked as her uncle drove her home that evening. She stared out the window at the changing scenery and other cars passing by.

"Of course I'll come back, Haruka-chan. I already promised I'd come back to see you race, remember?"

"But you won't be around anymore. How'm I going to race if you're not here to teach me how?"

"I'll be back, Haruka-chan. I may live in Italy, but my home will always be here."

The girl looked up at him. "Honto?"

"Of course. When have I ever lied to you?"

"Never, Kage."

"No reason for me to start now."

Shinyuuki smiled warmly and stroked Haruka's hair as the girl ran in, full of energy, as she always was after spending a day at the garage. "Did you behave for your uncle, you little imp?" the woman asked her daughter.

"Are you kidding?" Kazekage asked incredulously. "We're gonna have to not let her come back — she's become the top mechanic, showin' all the rest of us up."

"Thank you for watching her for me, Kage."

"Nah, I should be thanking you. Work is… much more interesting with Haruka around."

"Hey!" Haruka retorted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing," Kazekage said innocently, turning his eyes up toward the ceiling and whistling. Haruka kicked him hard in the shin. "Itai! That hurt, Haruka-chan! Honestly, Yuuki, what are you feeding this kid?"

Shinyuuki put a firm, reprimanding hand on Haruka's shoulder. "I think that's enough excitement for today. Haruka-chan, are you going to apologize to Kage?"

Haruka crossed her arms in front of her chest rebelliously, looking down and away from her mother. "No! Why should I apologize to _him_?"

"Well, I don't want your apology anyway, you little snot," Kazekage shot back.

Shinyuuki rolled her eyes. "Almost fifteen years of age difference, but still the same maturity level. Goodnight, Kage. I'll call you later."

"Sayonara, Nee-chan. See ya, chibi!"

"I'm not a chibi, baka!" Haruka shouted after her uncle as Shinyuuki shut the door. The woman turned to look down at a mischievously grinning face, and she could not help but smile, try as she might to fight it down. "Come here, you little imp!"

Haruka yelped and ran, and laughter soon filled the tiny

apartment.

* * * * *

Shinyuuki brushed a strand of chestnut hair from her face before returning her arm to its place, wrapped tightly around her daughter. The pair sat together on the roof of their apartment building, watching the sun set over the city of Kyoto.

"Do you know what that is, Haruka-chan?" Shinyuuki whispered in her daughter's ear.

"It's the sunset."

"It's a wish," the woman breathed, her voice so soft it would have been inaudible had her face not been just next to Haruka's ear. "Somebody somewhere wished for a beautiful sunset like that one, and there it is, like a painted masterpiece. It's a wish, just like you."

"Who am I a wish for, Mama?" Shinyuuki could tell by Haruka's voice that the child did not believe her.

"You're my wish, Haruka-chan. You always have been."

"Iie, that's a lie. I know it is. You had a dream, Mama, and it wasn't me. I know it's all my fault."

Shinyuuki looked down at her daughter's face, her eyes sad. "Nothing is your fault, Haruka-chan. Why would you say that?"

The girl never turned to look at her mother… just stared out at the sunset. "Kage said you were always a dreamer. It's my fault you had to give it up. If I was never born, your life would be better."

"Haruka, look at me." Shinyuuki placed a hand on the far side of the girl's face, turning her head so that their gazes locked. "I would never wish for a different life. You are my world now, Haruka. Nothing is better than this — nothing can be. I love you more than any dream."

Haruka's bland, distant expression never changed. "But you never wanted to have me. I was a mistake. You're going to tell me it's not true, but it is. You and Papa were never supposed to be together or have kids. I was just a bad choice."

Shinyuuki placed her hands firmly on her daughter's shoulders. "Haruka-chan, you have to listen to what I'm telling you." For the first time, tears brimmed in the little girl's eyes. "I am _not_ sorry for what happened. Haruka-chan, maybe your father and I were not meant to be together, but that was our choice. I love you, baby; I would be _nothing_ without you. Do you understand me? You are _not_ a mistake."

Haruka stared back into her mother's green eyes. "I… I understand, Mama," she replied, her voice soft and… almost broken.

Shinyuuki's gaze remained solid, unwavering. "Do you really?"

Haruka was not accustomed to crying. She had always been a strong child, not losing her composure, never shedding a tear even for a broken arm when she was three. She had always been more prone to fight than cry. But she truly did not understand. She did not understand how her mother could love her after she had been responsible for ruining the woman's life, ruining her dreams… did not understand how she could live with herself, knowing that her whole life was an accident, a stupid lapse of judgment by two drunk teenagers… did not understand why she had to be such a burden to the people she loved. Shinyuuki's entire family had suffered because of her. She had cut off any chance the young woman had had at achieving her life's aspiration. Kazekage had always sacrificed his own desires and needs to be there for Shinyuuki and Haruka — he would have turned down the job in Italy had his sister let him. Her grandparents did not even want to meet her, would no longer have anything to do with their own daughter. Kazekage was always at odds with them over the situation, all on Haruka's account. Why should anyone love her? She had brought them nothing but pain. And her father… he had never loved his daughter or his wife. She had gotten her mother stuck with such a man for the rest of her life, never to find real love. Haruka had done all this. It was all her fault. It truly was.

Sobbing like a little child — the little child she should have been — Haruka allowed her head to drop, her hands remaining motionless at her sides, not knowing to wipe away the tears. Shinyuuki pulled the girl close, and she buried her face in her mother's shoulder.

Haruka wasn't sure when she'd fallen asleep. The next thing she remembered was waking up in her bed late the next morning. Her mother must have carried her inside after she'd stopped crying. When the girl got out of bed, she found Shinyuuki gone already. She was probably gone to work — what day was it, anyway? Was the woman supposed to be at work? No matter. Haruka was used to taking care of herself while her parents were gone. She'd had to function more or less independently her whole life — Shinyuuki could not be there for her all the time, whether she wanted to or not. Haruka had learned by age five to depend less on her parents' care than many teenagers still did.

Walking into the living room with her breakfast, Haruka nearly tripped over a book sticking halfway out from under the couch. Picking it up, she recognized the book her mother had been reading about the disease leukemia. Without a second thought, she placed it on the bookshelf before flipping on the television and sitting down to eat.

* * * * *

"Shujinkou-san, over here!" Haruka ignored her teammate, keeping the ball in her possession rather than passing it off. She ducked around the tall boy blocking her and ran to make a goal, shooting the ball from a sharp angle and watching it fall in with a certain gratification.

It had not taken long for everyone to forget about the fight from a few days prior. They needed another player to even out the teams, and no other kid around was good enough to qualify. Kenji's nose had been broken, and he refused to play on the same team as Haruka, but that aside, things had gone back to normal.

"What was that all about?" Sengo yelled at the girl, pushing her by the shoulder. She stumbled back a step before glaring up at him. Sengo was the player who had yelled for her to pass the ball. He was a semi-talented ten-year-old with, in Haruka's opinion, far too much ego.

"What?" Haruka said defiantly. "I scored, didn't I?"

"I was wide open!"

"Piss off, ahou!" The boy immediately took a swing at her, but Haruka ducked, bringing her fist up to connect solidly with his chest, knocking him to the ground.

* * * * *

Haruka was waiting in the apartment when her mother came home from work. As soon as Shinyuuki saw the girl, she dropped everything and ran to kneel down in front of her, cupping the child's chin her hand. "Haruka-chan, what happened? You've got a black eye!"

"I do?" Haruka's expression was a mix of surprise and excitement. She ran to look at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "Sugoi! Look, Mama! Isn't it cool?"

"Haruka-chan, where did you get that?" Realization immediately dawned on the girl's features, and she dropped her head, refusing to meet her mother's gaze.

"I… I had a little… conflict while playing basketball again."

Shinyuuki sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand. "Haruka-chan… what am I going to do with you?"

Haruka immediately perked up. "We could go ride go-carts!"

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. You know better."

The child's head bowed again. "Hai." Shinyuuki muttered something softly to herself, and Haruka remained silent for several long seconds. Finally, she piped up curiously, "Mama?"

"Yes, baby?"

"What happened to _your_ face?"

The woman looked up at her daughter, stunned and confused. "What?"

Haruka pointed. "That bruise on your cheek. Where'd you get _that_?"

Shinyuuki raised a hand to her right cheek. Swallowing, she shook her head. "Oh, it's nothing, sweetie. Don't worry about it." Slowly, the woman rose to her feet again, reaching a hand down to take Haruka's. "Come on, Haruka-chan. What do you say we go play the piano together?"

Haruka nodded, and Shinyuuki took the girl into her bedroom, where a worn piano sat in one corner. Haruka sat next to her mother on the bench, and together they played and sang. Shinyuuki had received the piano from her parents as a gift when she was thirteen. She'd been playing since she was just a small child, and she had been teaching Haruka since the girl was big enough to learn. The child always enjoyed being able to play with her mother. She practiced whenever she was allowed in her parents' bedroom so that she would be good enough to play the sheet music Shinyuuki enjoyed.

There was a knock at the door a couple of hours later. "Who is it, Mama? Are we expecting someone?"

"Hai, it's Kage. Go let him in."

"Hai!" The child scampered to the door to let her uncle inside. A moment later, there was the sound of the front door opening, followed by Haruka's voice. "Kage! Who invited you? Get outta my house, baka!"

"Well, who said I wanted to see you anyway?" The girl laughed, and a light-hearted conversation commenced. Shinyuuki smiled softly.

After a few minutes, the woman came out of her bedroom. "Ready to go, milady?" Kazekage asked with a smirk, offering his elbow.

Shinyuuki laughed and hooked her arm through her younger brother's. "That I am, kind sir. Haruka-chan, don't go anywhere until we come back, all right?"

"Where are you going?" Haruka asked.

The two siblings exchanged glances. Taking a deep breath, Kazekage threw on a smile and replied, "Well, you see, a friend of mine is very sick, and we're going to talk to the doctor to see just how bad it is."

"Are they going to be all right? Who is it, Kage?"

"We'll talk about it later, baby," Shinyuuki replied, stroking the girl's hair. "Be good and don't get into any trouble, okay?"

"Goodbye, Mama."

"Ja ne, chibi!"

Haruka growled. "Baka!" she yelled after Kazekage as Shinyuuki shut the door.

The man chuckled as he and his sister made their way down the hall. "Lively little sprite, eh?" he said, looking down at Shinyuuki. It was then that he first noticed the rough bruise on her face. "Yuuki…" The young woman turned when she noticed that her brother had stopped. She looked up into his concerned face as he raised a gentle hand to her cheek. "He did it again last night, didn't he?"

Shinyuuki pushed his hand away, averting her eyes. "It's all right, Kage. We are married now…."

"Rape is illegal and immoral, even if you are married," he replied forcefully. "Yuuki, I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine." The woman drew a slow breath. "I'm more worried about what he might do to Haruka-chan when I'm gone."

"Nee-chan, you aren't going to die!"

"Kage, don't illusion yourself! You know as well as I do that I don't stand a chance."

Kazekage sighed heavily. "I keep thinking that I shouldn't take that job in Italy…."

"Kage, we've been through this. You can't give that up, especially not for me. You've sacrificed too much for my sake already."

"But the way Hashira-san treats you…"

"He only gets that way when he's drunk."

"I can't believe you're going to defend him! Yuuki, think of Haruka-chan…."

Shinyuuki looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I am. I married Hashira because I don't want my daughter to grow up without a father."

"Better no father than this one."

"Maybe so. But the choice is made. I would never let him hurt her, Kage, no matter what. You know I'd give my life for her."

Kazekage's eyes were solemn. "But soon you may not have a life to give."

Shinyuuki drew a steadying breath, wiping the moisture away from her eyes. "Come on, Otouto-kun. We're going to be late."

* * * * *

When Shinyuuki returned home, she found Haruka asleep on the living room couch, a book about Italian cars clutched in one hand. Hashira was still not home yet, and for that she was thankful. She worried about leaving Haruka alone with him.

Taking the book carefully from the girl's hand, she placed it on the bookshelf before reaching down to scoop the child up in her arms, carrying her into her bedroom. Softly kissing Haruka's forehead, Shinyuuki was about to leave when she heard a soft voice from behind her. "Mama? What time is it?"

"It's late, honey, go back to sleep."

"I forgot to ask you how your doctor appointment went the other day."

"My what?"

"Kage said you were going to the doctor. Did they fix whatever was making you sick?"

Exhaling heavily, Shinyuuki sat down on her daughter's bed. "Haruka-chan, gomen ne, I should start being honest with you. There's something very important I have to tell you, and I want you to listen and understand, all right?"

"What is it, Mama?"

Shinyuuki sighed, raising a hand to rub her temple. She didn't even know where to begin. "I've been very sick, Haruka-chan, and it's something the doctors can't fix."

The child sat up. "What do you mean they can't fix it? You're going to get better, right?"

"Haruka-chan, I'm not going to get any better." She paused. "Do you remember that book you asked me about the other day? The one about the disease leukemia?"

"Is that what you have?" Shinyuuki nodded. "So how do we make it better?"

"We can't, Haruka-chan. There is no cure for it. There are treatments, but we don't have the money to cover it."

Haruka stared at her mother through almost-innocent blue-green eyes. "You'll be all right, Mama. W… won't you?"

Tears glistened in the woman's eyes. She ran a hand through her daughter's hair. "I'm afraid I won't be, Haruka-chan."

Haruka nearly choked on her breath. "W… what do you mean? Mama…"

"Haruka, baby, I don't want you to be sad for me. Your life is far more important to me than my own could ever be. Understand, I just want you to live and be happy…."

"Mama?"

Shinyuuki swallowed hard. "I'm dying, honey. They doctors don't know how long it'll take. They're saying no longer than six months."

Haruka shook her head, her eyes wide. "Yada! That's not true! Ne, Mama? The baka doctors don't know what the hell they're talking about. Everything will be okay, won't it?" She gripped her mother's shirt, looking pleadingly up into the woman's eyes. She could tell by the heavy look behind them that it would not be okay. The realization hit her like a nuclear explosion. "Dame…"

Shinyuuki pulled her daughter close. "Haruka-chan, you have to listen to me. I'm not going to be here to take care of you anymore, so you'll have to take care of yourself. Kazekage is still going to Italy — he'll come back if you ever need him, hear me? Your father will still pay for anything you need. Just… don't go near him whenever he's drunk. He cares about you, he really does, but he doesn't know what he's doing when he's been drinking. Haruka-chan…" Shinyuuki raised Haruka's chin so that she could look in the child's tearful eyes. "I love you, Haruka-chan. That'll never change. Do you understand?"

Haruka swallowed. "I… I don't want you to leave me, Mama. Don't go." She buried her face in her mother's shirt. Shinyuuki remained silent, holding her daughter in a tight embrace. She had kept her illness a secret from Haruka for a long time, too long, not knowing how to tell her. Now she desperately wished for the words to say.

"Love you" was all that would come out, and Shinyuuki whispered it over and over again, the only thing that really mattered.

_Mama… _Haruka's mind was numb, her heart heavy. _Don't go, Mama. Don't go__….__ Can't be true. It's all a lie. Just a dream, a nightmare. Just don't leave me__….__ Not true…_

* * * * *

When Haruka awoke in the morning, she knew very well that her life could not be the same. So Shinyuuki was dying. The only world she'd ever known was about to crumble beneath her, and she had no power to stop it. She was, for once, utterly helpless…. She did not like the feeling one bit.

After pulling her hair up into a ponytail and pulling some jeans and a T-shirt out of her freshly-washed pile of clothes, Haruka pushed open the door to her bedroom. She did not know what she was planning to do — normally at this time, she'd be getting something for breakfast, but she found that she was not particularly hungry that particular morning.

"Haruka-chan." Haruka jumped, startled, at the sound of her name.

"Mama! You're still here? Don't you have to go to work?"

Shinyuuki set down her cup of coffee, smiling warmly… yet sadly… at the girl. "I thought you might not want to be alone today." Haruka blinked speechlessly as her mother rose and moved to kneel down just in front of her. "I thought, if you want, we might go ride go-carts today." Her eyes sparkled with affection, but her smile remained somewhat sad. Haruka blinked again.

"Mama…"

"Haruka-chan," — Shinyuuki placed her hands on Haruka's shoulders — "the reason I didn't tell you sooner was because I wanted you to be able to live life normally as long as possible. So can we just pretend that nothing is wrong? Ne? Just for a while longer? I want to see my happy little girl for as long as I'm still here."

Slowly, Haruka nodded. "Hai," she said softly, forcing a smile for her mother.

"Good girl. Now get yourself something to eat so we can go."

"H… hai." Haruka hurried to do as she was told, still utterly stunned. She was not sure how to deal with the whole situation, but she decided that, at this point, just going with it was best. What else was there to do, after all? Just what else…

* * * * *

The days went by rather quickly after Haruka learned the truth that her mother was dying. It seemed to the child as if there simply was not enough time left in the universe for them. Of all eternity, there weren't enough days or hours or minutes to keep this dread illness at bay. The toll of it was finally beginning to show. Shinyuuki grew weaker… it seemed by the day… and she also grew pale and thin. Her energy began wasting away, and Haruka could do nothing but watch. She desperately wished she could save her mother, but she had no such power. While she had once felt invincible, she now found herself nothing but a helpless little child. When all the while, all she wanted to do was fight.

Kazekage had left for Italy weeks before. Haruka still found herself adjusting to the feeling of not having her uncle nearby, just a car ride away. She still talked to him almost every day on the phone, but it simply was not the same. Her world felt empty without him. And with Shinyuuki fading the way she was… Haruka found her feeling of aloneness growing by the day. And while most five-year-olds had no conception of time or what it meant, Shujinkou Haruka came to considered time her greatest enemy.

Had Haruka ever believed in a God, she would have prayed day and night for a miracle of some sort. From what she understood, her grandparents believed in some kind of omnipotent God in heaven, but she had never known her grandparents, and she certainly did not know this God of theirs. Sometimes, she tried to pray. She prayed that if any greater power could hear her and if there was such a thing as miracles, that she could have just one, before too late. Just one to save the woman who had loved her since the moment of her birth, who had loved her more than dreams. The woman who had given everything for the sake of a life not worthy of existence, an accident produced of a night of alcohol and hormones, a ragged little tomboy with nothing whatsoever to offer the world. Shinyuuki deserved to live. Haruka surely did not. She had no purpose in life to fulfill.

Still, Haruka's strong will alone could do nothing. She had no cure to her mother's ailment. She had no money to pay for treatment. She had no miracle to change the way things were. Her world was not a fairy tale — she could not give her life in exchange for her mother's, die valiantly as a hero and defeat this impending doom. Reality was not like that. Haruka suddenly realized it was not she who had given up on make believe — make believe had given up on her.

"So… this is the way of the universe?" Haruka said softly as she stared off into the sunset alone. Shinyuuki had fallen asleep on the couch half an hour ago — she'd been so tired lately. Haruka had not wanted to wake her. She watched the sunset with no one beside her, no company but her own dark thoughts. She found herself consumed by the empty questions, the absence of reason or mercy. Only the tears and the pain cried out to her now — the tears she would not shed for her resolve to remain strong… and the pain that ate away at her young soul day by day as everything drove quickly to an end. _Do we live only to die?_

Without quite knowing where she was going, Haruka started running. She felt that if she ran far enough and fast enough away, she might leave everything behind. Then she'd be completely alone, without love or pain or any of these things clawing at her like demons in the dark. She left the apartment building and ran without direction through the endless streets of Kyoto.

The child was in very good shape, her constant activity having achieved that much for her, but even she eventually grew tired. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her breath came in ragged gasps. Finally, she collapsed to her knees, all the energy drained away from her physical body as it seemed to be from her soul. After gaining enough strength to rise to her feet, Haruka found herself on a bridge overlooking a vast lake, the same bridge from which she'd once claimed she could fly away.

Walking slowly to the edge, the girl climbed up onto the railing. The sun was long gone, and the lights of Kyoto, combined with those of the stars and the crescent moon, offered the only illumination in the black night. Haruka looked down at the glittering dark water far below. So innocent looking… yet so evil at the same time. She did not understand it. She did not understand any of it.

"Will you catch me?" Haruka whispered into the wind. "If I fall, can you carry me to a land where there's no death or suffering?" _There is no such place__…._ She heard the whisper in the back of her mind, and she believed it. This was the world. She had just entered it. So this was what her life would be like forever.

"I cannot forget…" Haruka raised her eyes to the sky, the endless sky above that many people called the heavens. "No matter what happens to me, I can never forget." From that moment on, she swore to never be so weak and helpless again. She could not save her mother. She could not do anything as she was now. She didn't know of anyone else worth saving. One pure spirit… like an angel flying away on wings, away from this world that had caused her so much pain. Haruka decided then and there that if she ever found such a spirit again, she would protect that person with her life. And she would not fail again. Next time, she would be strong enough to overcome evil, even at the cost of her own life. But she wondered if there would even be a next time. Perhaps this was the end of everything for her. Life after this… felt empty.

_Kuyashii…_

Haruka jumped down from the railing, her feet hitting the pavement once more. She began running again, this time back to her home, back to the world she could not leave behind despite her efforts. But while she ran, at least some of the pain seemed to lift away on the wind. At least she could still pretend she was running away from it all, flying away like she'd once been so sure she could.

* * * * *

Arriving home, Haruka found Shinyuuki still asleep on the couch. Hashira had not yet returned. There were some nights when he did not come home at all. She didn't know where he went. But quite frankly, she didn't really care.

Finding a blanket, Haruka used it to cover her mother so that she would not get cold in the middle of the night. Unable to resist, she slipped under the quilt with the woman, snuggling up close to her warmth. It was not long before she too fell asleep. When Shinyuuki awoke hours later, she would find her daughter wrapped tightly in her arms, the perfect little child who had become the embodiment of her dreams, and she would smile.

* * * * *

"Shujinkou Haruka," called a distant voice. Haruka chose to ignore it. "Shujinkou-san, are you listening to me?"

"No," the girl muttered, and the classroom filled with the sound of children snickering. She was not sure if they were laughing at her or at the now red-faced teacher, but she did not really care.

"Shujinkou-san!" Haruka looked up irritably. It had finally come time for her to enroll in school, and her mother had made her, despite all her protests and arguments. She'd wanted to stay home with Shinyuuki as long as possible, but the woman would hear none of it. She refused to delay her daughter's schooling for a year, perhaps concerned that if she was not there to enforce it, Haruka would never start school at all. But that did not mean that Haruka enjoyed a minute of it. "I asked you to answer the question on the board. Are you going to comply or not?"

Haruka dropped her head onto the desk. "I don't give a damn."

"Shujinkou-san!" The teacher sounded appalled. "What did you just say?"

"Did anyone else in the room not hear me?" Haruka asked the class, who burst once more into laughter.

The teacher took a deep breath, perhaps to try to calm herself. "Shujinkou Haruka, have you no shame? I will not tolerate any swearing in this classroom. Now apologize to your classmates and answer the question."

Haruka responded promptly by flicking the woman off. The class was hysterical. The teacher was enraged. She grabbed the girl by the arm and hauled her to her feet. "You come with me, young lady! We're going to see the principal."

"Yeah, yeah, who gives a shit, you old bitch?" The woman made no attempt to be gentle as she dragged Haruka to the principal's office. After explaining the problem, she returned to her class, and Haruka was told to wait as the secretary in the main office phoned her mother. The girl did as she was told and sat in silence, her legs pulled up close to her chest and her head resting on her knees, content with any predicament she found herself in so long as they just left her alone.

"Haruka-chan!"

"Ah, dammit," the girl whispered to herself. She did not mind being in trouble, but she hadn't wanted for Shinyuuki to have to come up to the school for her.

"I'll inform Principal Gensoku that you're here," the secretary said before exiting the room.

Shinyuuki knelt down so that she could look her daughter directly in the eye. "Haruka-chan, we need to talk about what happened today."

"Gomen nasai, Mama, I didn't want you to have to be bothered."

The woman shook her head. "No, I don't mind that. It's your behavior that bothers me. Haruka-chan, you can be such a sweet little girl. You're usually so happy — what's the matter lately?"

Haruka averted her eyes. "I don't know…. I just don't think there's any point for me to be here."

"Are you just not happy with your classes? This particular teacher? Do you not fit in as well as you'd like? Haruka-chan, there must be something more specific you can tell me so that I can help."

"I just… I don't think I have enough time…" Haruka swallowed. "I just want to be there with you… before I can't."

Shinyuuki sighed, gently brushing Haruka's bangs away from her face. Just then, the door to the principal's office opened. "Mrs. Shujinkou? Principal Gensoku will see you now."

Shinyuuki rose to her feet, looking down at Haruka. "You stay right there, Haruka-chan. Don't cause any more trouble, okay?" With that, she turned and entered the principal's office, closing the door behind her.

"Mrs. Shujinkou Shinyuuki?" Principal Gensoku inquired. The woman nodded. "I don't mean to be frank, but we've been having some trouble with your daughter. Haruka-san appears to be a very intelligent girl, but her teacher has had trouble getting her to participate in class. She doesn't cooperate with any of our staff, and she's been known to fight with the other children."

"Haruka-chan has never been good at making friends," Shinyuuki said softly as she took a seat on the opposite side of the desk. "She plays with some of the other children around our neighborhood, but they're all quite a bit older than she is. And I have to admit, I've had some trouble with her getting into fights with them, as well."

"That's not what bothers me the most, Mrs. Shujinkou." The man paused for a moment as Shinyuuki waited silently. "I'll be honest with you. I'm disturbed by Haruka-san's tendency to fight with the other students, as I am by the incident with her teacher earlier today. But what truly bothers me is that she seems to not care about her responsibilities as a student at all. No one has been able to get through to her. She won't listen to anyone — I've tried everything in my power. But I think she might listen to you."

"If you want me to talk with my daughter about her behavior, all you have to do is ask, Principal Gensoku. I don't want Haruka to be a problem for you."

"I try not to consider my students as problems, but I will say that Haruka-san has been very trying. I must ask, do you ever have issues, Mrs. Shujinkou, with Haruka-san running off for any reason?"

Shinyuuki shook her head. "Running off?"

"Every day, the students have a period of free time. We do require that they stay on school grounds, but Haruka-san has a tendency to run off during this period. The teachers haven't been able to detain her. She always comes back in time for class again, but I'm afraid that's not the point. She isn't affected at all by authority."

"Well, she's never really had to deal with authority before. Her father is… not around very often, and her relationship to me is very close. She's a willful girl, but I've never had serious trouble keeping her in line."

"Mrs. Shujinkou, I'm concerned for your daughter. We've never had this much trouble with a single student before, particularly at Haruka-san's age. Do you know of anything that could be causing this sort of behavior?"

Shinyuuki sighed. "I think the bottom line is she just doesn't want to be here. She feels that her time… could be better served somewhere else. I have no intention of taking her out of school, Principal Gensoku, but I think she may need a little more time… to adjust, if you will.

"You see, sir, I've been very sick recently, and Haruka-chan is having a hard time dealing with it. I think her actions — not participating in class, fighting, swearing, running away — are simply her way of coping. She's never been good with emotion, particularly when she feels helpless or trapped."

"Mrs. Shujinkou, do you have any suggestions on how I should deal with Haruka-san?"

The young woman drew a deep, slow breath. "I will talk with her, try to get her to cooperate better with her teachers and classmates. Maybe that will help. But I think that, as long as she isn't causing any real problem for the school, you should just let her run."

* * * * *

The phone rang again. There was the sound of feet pounding on the floor as Haruka ran to answer it. "Moshi moshi?"

"Hey, there's my favorite chibi!" her uncle's voice floated through from the other end. She was so happy to hear from him that she even ignored the nickname.

"Kage! Mama, Kage's on the phone! How is your new job going? Are the girls over in Europe pretty? Bet you can't get any of them to date you, either. When are you coming home to see us?"

"Slow down, hot stuff. And quit sticking your nose in other people's love lives! You're likely to get it knocked off your face one of these days."

"Is that a challenge, Kage? Get your ass back here, and I'll kick it right now!"

"Hey, you better watch your mouth, kid. Speaking of which, I hear you got in trouble at school. You know, you're not supposed to do that."

"Yeah, you're one to talk, baka. From what I hear, you were good friends with the secretary in the principal's office."

"Damn, you had to bring that up! It's not like I was there _every_ day…."

"Damn close, Kage, and you know it."

"Haruka-chan…" Shinyuuki placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Let me talk to your uncle, all right?"

"Here's Mama, Kage; she wants to talk to you." The girl promptly handed the phone over to her mother and ran off to her room before she could be told to do so. Shinyuuki watched her go with sad eyes before slowly raising the phone to her ear.

"Otouto-kun?"

"Hey, sis. How are you? Are things still fine back there?"

Shinyuuki sighed. "Yes, for now. Haruka-chan has been doing better in school — at least I haven't gotten any more calls from the principal. She still gets detentions for fighting and for not always turning in work, but at least she seems to be applying herself a bit."

"She'll be fine, Yuuki. She's a tough kid. A lot like her mother."

Shinyuuki laughed softly, a sad note in her voice. "I just hope she makes better choices than I did."

"Nee-chan…"

"Kage, you have to promise to watch out for her when I'm gone. Ne? Just to make sure she's all right."

"You know you didn't even need to ask. But, Nee-chan… what are you going to do about Hashira?"

"Kazekage… he is Haruka-chan's father…."

"But that doesn't mean anything! Yuuki, you know what he's like. I know you always wanted to believe in him, but you have to think of Haruka-chan now. You can't leave her with him all alone."

Shinyuuki suddenly felt very faint. She gasped softly, provoking Kazekage to pause for a moment.

"Nee-chan?"

The woman raised a shaky hand to her forehead. Slowly, the phone slipped from her grasp and fell to the floor. Moments later, she collapsed next to it.

"Yuuki-chan! Yuuki, are you there?" Kazekage's frantic voice still came through the receiver. "Hello?"


	2. Inferno

**AN: I kind of hope people don't murder me for this section. I seem to remember it being hard as fuck to write, but that's how it is. I write for honesty over popularity--though I do, as any, hope to intrigue in some way or other. Still more than half of it left after this, so stay tuned if you will.^_^**

**Thank you to my reviewer--I appreciate it more than you know.**

Part II

Inferno:

Haruka sat in the hospital waiting area with her knees tucked up to her chest, her chin resting on them. She glanced up as the elevator doors opened, and a moment later, Kazekage came through them.

The girl leapt from her seat and nearly knocked her uncle to the ground as she collided with him, hugging the man tightly around the waist. He lowered a hand to stroke her hair gently. "Haruka-chan, where's Yuuki?"

"They won't let me go in right now 'cause it's not visitor hours. Kage, is she going to die?" Tears filled the girl's eyes as she looked up at him.

Kazekage knelt down so that his gaze could meet hers. "I don't know, Haruka-chan. All we can do now is wait and see what happens. Right now, you just have to be strong for her, okay?"

Haruka nodded, wiping the tears away from her eyes and forcing back any more that threatened to push their way forward.

The young man paused, looking around. "Haruka-chan, where's your father?"

"I haven't seen him since a week ago last Thursday. Mama usually sends me to bed before he gets home."

Kazekage gritted his teeth together as he rose to his feet. "I'm about ready to go to your apartment right now and give that scumbag mother fucker a piece of my mind."

"Someone's told him Mama is here, right?"

"You'd think he'd notice his wife was gone after a couple days! Have you been home since it happened?" Haruka shook her head silently. "When are visiting hours?"

Haruka shrugged. "I just go in whenever they tell me I can."

Kazekage found one of the nurses and asked when they would be allowed in to see Shinyuuki again. He then returned to the spot where he'd left Haruka. "They won't let us back in tonight. What do you say we run to your place and get you some clean clothes, and then I'll take you out someplace to eat?" Haruka nodded slowly and reluctantly allowed Kazekage to guide her out of the hospital.

"So how is school going now?" Kazekage asked as Haruka fiddled with the straw in her drink, waiting impatiently for their food to arrive. She hadn't eaten a real meal since Shinyuuki was put in the hospital, just snacks from the vending machines whenever another visitor for some other patient was kind enough to offer to get her something. She had not even left the hospital until her uncle arrived.

Haruka shrugged and dropped the straw, slumping back in her seat. "No better than it was before."

"Are you still cussing out your teacher and refusing to participate in class?" The man gave her a pointed look.

"No, I stopped that. I don't wanna disappoint Mama again. She's got enough things to worry about."

"You know, you've never been a burden to you mother," Kazekage said softly.

"That's a lie, Kage, and you know it. That's all I ever was, ever since I was born. I know she doesn't resent me for it, but that doesn't change that it's the truth."

"Haruka-chan…"

"Just shut up, Kage." Haruka allowed her head to rest on the table, closing her eyes to shut out the world around her. Kazekage did not know how to respond to her. He remained silent until the food arrived.

"Have you gone back to the garage since I left?" the young man asked casually as the girl ate her food. She shook her head. "I bet the guys'd be glad to see ya. Maybe you and I'll go before I have to go back to Italy."

Haruka paused for a moment, looking down at the table rather than at her uncle. "Kage, how long are you going to stay here?"

Kazekage sighed heavily. "Well, I don't know exactly. I guess it depends on how well things go with Yuuki-chan."

"How soon she dies," the child retorted softly.

"No, that's not what I mean, Haruka-chan. It's just…" He paused, trying to find the words to say. "I'll stay around as long as you need me, all right? You and your mother are far more important to me than any job anywhere, you remember that." Haruka did not reply but instead just continued eating. "Haruka-chan, are you all right with everything that's happening? It's a terrible thing, Haruka, and I know it must be very hard for you."

Haruka paused again, staring sadly at the food on her plate. "I just… I know that I shouldn't ask why this happened to us. There's not a why to anything; the world just sucks."

Kazekage sighed, leaning back in his seat. "Some would say there's a God up there somewhere controlling everything, and he knows what's best and does whatever is good."

"That's just a story that somebody made up," the girl replied. "Bad shit happens to good people all the time, and if there's a God controlling it, I think he's a real asshole."

"Then what do you believe, Haruka-chan?" the man asked earnestly.

"I believe in us — people, I mean. There are some things people can change, and there are some things we can't, and that's just the way it works. But when people don't believe they can do anything, they really can't do a damn thing. That's why so many people never get anything important done — they waste all their time believing there's a higher reason for everything and don't ever do anything about it."

"That's pretty heavy talk for such a small girl."

"I don't care. It's what I think."

"That's a good thing, Haruka-chan — don't ever let anyone tell you it's not, hear me? I honestly don't know how it all works, but your ideas sound as good as any."

"Kage? What's gonna happen when this is all over?"

"What do you mean?"

Haruka hesitated. "After Mama… when she… I know Mama is going to die soon. What will happen then?"

Kazekage paused, worry filling his features. "I don't know, Haruka-chan. I really don't."

"Will you go back to Italy then?"

The man sighed. "I suppose. This is all very complicated, Haruka-chan. I worry about leaving you here alone like that."

"It's not like I'll die, Kage. Papa will take care of me, even if he's not around like Mama. I wouldn't starve or freeze or anything. So why worry?"

"That's not why I'm worried, Haruka-chan."

"You're afraid he'll hurt me." Kazekage looked up at the child, surprise evident in his face. "I know he used to hurt Mama sometimes. I could hear her at night when I lay awake. Sometimes I wanted to kill him. But she always told me to just stay in my room, that if I came out, things would be worse. At least now he can't hurt her anymore."

"Haruka-chan… I never knew you knew about that…." Kazekage clenched his hands into fists. "I always told her she should leave that bastard, but she never would. Said you needed to grow up having a father. Haruka-chan, if he ever hurts you, you tell me, and I'll make sure it never happens again. Got it?"

Haruka nodded slowly in response.

"You know, you remind me so much of Yuuki." Haruka looked up at her uncle, surprised. His eyes were distant, and he was smiling somewhat sadly. "I've always looked up to her. She was never afraid of anything, and she has a kind of strength inside of her… just like you do. Already I'm admiring you. And you're barely even a child."

Haruka listened to him silently. She pondered his words, wondering what he really meant. He admired her, little dirty Haruka? The kid who was always in fights and cussed and did terrible in school? The girl who dressed and acted like a boy and couldn't possibly fulfill any parent's dream for a daughter? The child who was a rash mistake and nothing more? Slowly, she turned her attention back to the food still remaining on the plate before her and remained silent for the rest of the meal.

* * * * *

It all happened on an insignificant day, no different from any other. It was not dark and dreary, as would have been fitting, but rather sunny and clear, bright as the day before had been. Haruka knew then that the world did not care what happened to her. Even the weather still smiled, as if it did not know the shit that was happening in people's lives, as if everything was just fine. The Earth would still turn, the moon would still rise, the tides would still break… as if nothing had ever happened. And the world in a hundred years would not remember that Shinyuuki or Haruka had been there at all, would not care and would still smile.

"She's dying," the doctor had said. Haruka wanted to reply that she'd been dying for months, actually, but the fact was that now she really had no time left. There would be no more smiles, no more sunsets, no more reading before bed at night, no I-love-yous, no warm embraces…. Shinyuuki really would be gone, and the life Haruka had known would be over. It would all change as soon as her mother left the world. _Everything_ would be different.

Haruka laid her head on her mother's hospital bed. The woman ran her fingers through the girl's hair, smiling warmly at her daughter. But Haruka could not smile.

_Kurushii…_ the only word she could think of to describe the way she felt.

Haruka closed her eyes, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall. She had sworn to herself that she would be strong, no matter how much it hurt. She had to be strong. If she didn't, then who would?

"Haruka-chan…" The girl opened her eyes and looked up at her mother. She looked so pale and weak… nothing like the spirited young woman who had raised Haruka and loved her and been there for her since she was a baby. How could anything have ever brought down such a woman? But this sickness had defeated her. It had defeated them all.

"Haruka-chan, I love you," Shinyuuki whispered with a weak smile as she brushed Haruka's bangs from her face. She seemed almost too tired to speak, but she wanted to at least talk with her daughter one more time in case it was the last. "Haruka-chan… my angel…"

The girl blinked in surprise. Angel? Haruka was anything but an angel. The only thing she could think was that the disease had made her mother delusional.

"Don't you know you were always my little angel?" Shinyuuki continued. "You're my proof that there's some kind of heaven out there. I know that there's mercy in the universe just by looking at your face."

Haruka swallowed. She was unsure how much more of the lie she could take. Whether Shinyuuki believed in it or not, Haruka didn't believe a single word her mother was saying. "Mama…" the girl started softly, but whatever she'd been trying to say caught in her throat.

"What is it, baby?"

There were no words. How could she say what she was feeling? How could any human words, a language that she used every day of her life, suffice? Haruka looked down, choking on a knot in her throat that she could not manage to get rid of. She did not know what to say. For the rest of her life, she would regret having said nothing, having not poured out every emotion in her heart to her mother in that last moment. But she did not know her own heart. How could she? She'd never understood it.

There was nothing beautiful or romantically dramatic about Shinyuuki's death, not like in movies or books. Haruka had always thought that kind of thing was a lie. The young woman's breath grew lighter, and slowly she had faded away. Kazekage had not been able to bear it. He'd screamed and broken down into sobs. As soon as she was gone, he had run out of the room. Haruka merely sat frozen. She could not move. She could not think. She felt nothing but… an emptiness inside. There were no tears. She had reached a place beyond tears. Where she was, there was absolutely nothing.

* * * * *

In the blink of an eye, Haruka's whole world had changed. Or at least that was how it seemed to her. In truth, she'd had plenty of forewarning, but she had not been prepared for it. All the time in the world would not have been enough to brace herself for the blow.

Kazekage was devastated. He had been unable to eat or do hardly anything since his sister had passed. Unwilling to let Haruka go home alone, he had brought her back to the hotel room he'd rented until he decided to go back to Italy. Haruka had gone without protest, not sure whether it was wise to leave him alone. But things were not the same between them as they'd been before. Haruka remained distant, keeping her uncle at arm's length. As much as he tried to get close to her again, she remained aloof. Kazekage insisted that if they depended upon each other, they could get through anything. But Haruka refused to depend on anyone ever again. She remained there for Kazekage, knowing that he needed someone to help him through the hard time, but she would not allow him to comfort her.

As weeks went by, Kazekage was pressured more and more to return to Italy. He held out for as long as he could, but finally he made arrangements to leave Japan once more. Haruka did not worry about what would happen once her uncle left again. She had known he would go all along. She would return home to live with her father, live life as if Shinyuuki had never been there to care for her. Whether she liked it or not, Haruka was out in the world now, and she did not intend to dwell on past memories. Her present moment was the only one she could affect — the past was gone for good, and she'd already learned well that she held no sway over the future.

Kazekage had offered to take Haruka with him to Italy. He still did not want to leave her behind with Hashira and no one around to look out for her. She declined his offer, ignoring his persistence. She had no desire to go anywhere, not even with Kazekage.

As he continued to insist that she accompany him to Europe, Haruka finally said bluntly to her uncle, "Go home, Kage." She stared expressionlessly out the window, watching the rain fall in sheets outside. She did not turn and so could not see his pained expression. Kazekage left four days later, seeing that the argument was over. Haruka said goodbye to him before he left for the airport as he promised to call the moment he reached Italy.

The velvet night sky covered Haruka as she stared up at it from the roof of her apartment building. Normally, she would have gone to bed long ago, but on this night she had stayed out to think. She was unsure what she wanted to think about, but nevertheless, the urge was too strong for her to ignore, and she neglected to focus on it enough to wonder why.

This was it for Haruka. No mare caring for people. She had decided — she was on her own.

Haruka slowly dropped to her knees. She did not even notice her violent trembling for a long time. She felt cold, empty, and very alone. She remembered the feeling of Shinyuuki's warm arms wrapped lovingly around her. That feeling was gone. Shinyuuki was gone forever. As was the girl Haruka had once been. Truth be known, she had died as much as her mother had, but Shinyuuki's pain had ended while Haruka still felt it searingly. Even her emotional numbness could not completely cancel it out.

Haruka shut the door to the apartment softly behind her. With a yawn, she moved to lie down on the couch, not wanting to exert the energy to change into her pajamas and go to bed. A few minutes later, she heard the apartment door slam, and her eyes shot open again. Slowly, she rose, forcing back her exhaustion, and went to the door to meet her father.

"Haruka-chan," Hashira said with a distorted smile, his words slurred from the influence of the vast quantity of alcohol in his system. "You're up late."

"Welcome back, Papa," Haruka said softly as she hung up her father's coat and helped him stagger to his bed. Now that Shinyuuki was gone, it was as much her job to take care of him as it was his to take care of her. She might as well get used to it.

Hashira had actually attended Shinyuuki's funeral, to the surprise of some. In fact, that was the last time Haruka had seen him until just now. But the whole time, he'd had an expression on his face as if he could not wait to get away. Haruka assumed he'd felt a sort of obligation to pay his respects to his late wife, but she was not sure how much he cared about being there. Truthfully, she was not sure how much Shinyuuki's death had affected him at all in the scheme of things. Perhaps she wasn't giving him enough credit — she would never know.

"You been gone for a while now, Haruka-chan," Hashira mumbled as he fell into a lying position on the bed. "I was wondering where you were all this time."

"I was staying with Kage. He wanted me to stay with him until he went back to Italy again."

"You know, I missed ya while you were gone."

"I didn't think about it, Papa. Get some sleep — the alcohol should wear off by morning."

Hashira grabbed Haruka's arm as she turned to go. She tried to suppress a wince of pain at his tight hold. "Where ya goin', Haruka-chan? Gonna leave me here by myself?"

"I'm going to bed — it's late. Almost midnight."

He didn't let go of her arm. "At least hang around for a little while. Need someone to keep me company, don't ya think?"

"I think you need to go to sleep — you've been drinking all night." Hashira ignored her, dragging her small, struggling form up onto the edge of the bed.

"At least stay for a while. It' been so long since I've seen you, little girl — I'm starting to lose track. Now that Yuuki's gone, we've only got each other, ya know."

Haruka tried to pull her arm away, but it was to no avail. "Papa? Could you let go of me now? Itai."

"Sorry, baby girl, guess I forgot I was holding you there." Hashira let go of Haruka, and she swiftly jumped off the bed and out of his reach.

"Get some sleep, Papa. You've got to go to work again tomorrow." She ducked out of the room, knowing well that he was too drunk to follow her. Her heart pounded in her chest. So this was the kind of thing Shinyuuki went through every night…. Haruka was not sure if she could handle it or not. Hashira was very drunk, and considering the kind of man he was even while sober — she did not think — there was no telling. _Welcome to the real world_, Haruka thought to herself._ Your mother went through it every day since you were born — now it's your turn._

Without bothering to change out of her clothes, Haruka dropped onto her own bed, not even bothering to crawl under the covers, and was asleep within minutes.

* * * * *

Haruka kicked the boy hard. He cried out, writhing in the dust. "Eat this, you son of a bitch!" Grabbing his shirt collar, she hauled him up enough to deck him across the face, sending him sprawling in the dirt once more.

"Shujinkou-san!" Haruka's teacher pushed through the crowd of shouting children. Grabbing Haruka, she held the child off of the boy. "Do you want me to call your mother again?"

"My mother's dead, dammit!" the girl screamed back at her as she struggled for freedom.

Her teacher gasped, covering her mouth with one hand. The other students seemed to lose interest in the situation, as the fight appeared to be over, and slowly dispersed. "I'm sorry, Haruka-san. I didn't know. Why didn't you say something?"

"It's none of your business," Haruka replied sharply, finally jerking free.

"But that doesn't change the fact that you're breaking school rules by fighting. If you don't stop that, I'll have to call your father, Haruka-san."

"Yeah, well, my _father_ doesn't give a flying fuck."

The teacher shook her head reproachfully, but her heart seemed to have softened. "That mouth of yours has gotten worse again, Haruka-san. I thought we'd fixed this problem."

_Fix what?_ Haruka thought. _I _am_ the problem._

"I'll have to take you back to the principal next time, Haruka-san."

"Go ahead," the girl said coldly before turning away and trotting off. Her teacher sighed. She had been trying to get through to the child for so long. It was almost as if… the girl did not want anyone to care about her. It was a pity that Shinyuuki had died so prematurely. The woman had been perhaps the only positive influence in Haruka's life. Now that the girl was left to govern herself, there was no telling what might become of her. She had so much potential to do whatever she aspired to, but with an attitude and a stubborn will like hers… It was no wonder she never seemed to make any friends, not that she appeared to care in the slightest. Maybe she was destined to be a lone wolf for the rest of her life. Such a pity.

Had the teacher only known — Haruka did not want pity. In fact, it was the last thing she could ever desire while she drew breath. The girl dropped into a sitting position against the fence. No one approached her. Not that anyone ever approached her unless they needed an extra team member. No one ever talked to her. She didn't really care, anyway. The girls all had their dippy little friends and went off to play princess and makeup, and the boys hung around with their macho buddies as if they were hot stuff. Haruka remained on her own, and she'd just as soon everything stay that way. In truth, she was years older than the other kids her age. They didn't know a damn thing about the world.

That afternoon, Haruka walked to the garage Kazekage used to work at. She missed it there, missed all the mechanics she had come to know and missed being close to the cars and feeling as if her lifelong dream was right in front of her for as long as she remained. She hadn't been back since the first time Kazekage had left for Italy.

"Hey! Haruka-chan! Long time, no see!" Katsute, one of the mechanics who had worked at the garage for as long as Haruka could remember, patted her on her shoulder as soon as she walked in. "I heard about your mother," he said solemnly. "It's a terrible thing. But at least you're back again, and we're glad to see ya." He offered her a warm smile, and Haruka did her best to return it. The other mechanics greeted her as well, some patting her on the head, some holding their hands out for high-fives that she granted with reservations, not full of energy like she once had.

"You here to teach these slackers how to work on cars?" Mairu, the garage's manager, said with a smirk as he came out of his office. He patted the girl on the head. "How've you been, kid? Holding up?"

"I'll live," Haruka replied bluntly.

"Well, we welcome your help. Always good to have an extra pair of hands, and you always did a good job helping Kazekage. Never hesitate to come give a hand around here, all right?"

Haruka nodded. "Where do I start?" There was an immediate stream of talking and laughter. Several of the guys slapped Haruka on the back. She had to admit, this was the closest feeling she'd had to home since her mother had died. She'd missed it.

Stepping up onto the front bumper of a car she was instructed to help with, Haruka reached her slender hands down inside the hood, and suddenly, for one millisecond in her screwed up life, everything felt right.

* * * * *

"Haruka-chan?" Haruka heard her father's voice floating out to her from the living room as she shut the door to the apartment.

"Papa? You're home already?" Normally, he would not have been back for at least another two hours. She kicked off her shoes at the door and trotted into the living room, where he was unsurprisingly sprawled on the couch.

"Is that you, baby girl?"

"Hai, Papa. Who else would it be?"

"Why don't you come on over here where I can see ya?" Haruka obediently moved over to the couch and sat down next to it. "So how was school?"

"Hell. How was work?"

"Ah, you know how it goes. Who ever likes work?"

"Some people do."

"Well, some people are out of their skull, Haruka-chan."

"I suppose." Haruka kicked her feet at the floor uncomfortably. She'd never really talked to her father much before — it was strange. She wasn't sure how comfortable she was around him when he was drunk. Shinyuuki had never let him near her unless he was sober. But Shinyuuki was no longer there to take care of them, so Haruka supposed she'd have to get used to being around him, drunk or not, since it was unlikely that he was going to quit drinking.

"But you need to make sure you do well in school, little girl, or you can't get a job when you grow up."

"I guess so."

"Yep, you'll make great grades, and then you'll be my little genius." Hashira ran his fingers through her sandy ponytail. Haruka did not protest, just sat stiffly and endured the conversation as well as his affection. "You know, you're my little angel."

Haruka felt a chill run down her spine. When her mother had called her an angel, she had felt something warm inside. But it felt strange coming from her father. She did not think she liked it at all. "I'm gonna go do my homework, Papa," Haruka said, quickly thinking of an excuse to retreat to her bedroom as she swiftly stood up, but Hashira grabbed her arm.

"Ah, don't go. I'm sure you've got plenty of time to get your work done." In actuality, she had no homework at all. She just wanted a good reason to leave. It was difficult to fight down the urge to jerk her arm away and run to her bedroom and lock the door.

"Haruka-chan, I know we've never gotten to spend a lot of time together," the man continued, "but you know I always loved you, right?"

"Papa, that hurts. Could you let go of me?"

He did not appear to hear her. "Your mama never wanted you around me most of the time. I always wanted to see ya, though. Did you ever wanna see me?"

"Onegai, Papa, it really hurts!" Haruka tried to pull her arm away, but her father was much stronger than she was. His grip did not loosen at all.

Hashira put his other hand on Haruka's shoulder, and she momentarily stopped struggling. She was suddenly afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid of her own father? But still, a cold dread gripped her heart, and she desperately wanted to be somewhere else — _anywhere_ else. "Where you goin', baby girl? Don't wanna stay here with your papa?"

Haruka tried to back away again, but she was not strong enough to fight against his hold. "Please, I just wanna go work on my homework."

"Ah, you're gonna hurt my feelings." He pulled the girl closer to him, tightening his grip on her arm and shoulder.

"Itai! Papa, yamete!"

"Itai?" Hashira smiled. No wonder Shinyuuki had never let Haruka near him — she had been trying to protect her from him. "Come on, Haruka-chan, you know I'd never hurt you." He leaned down and kissed her small jaw. It was not a fatherly kiss, and it made Haruka's stomach twist in fear.

Haruka tried to jerk away again, but it was no use. "Let go!" she screamed at her father. When he showed no signs of releasing her, she used her free hand to deck him as hard as she could across the face.

Hashira's head snapped to the side from the force of the blow. When he looked back at her, his expression was one of pure wrath. He shoved her roughly to the floor, and she cried out as she fell hard. Scrambling to her feet, she tried to escape to her bedroom, but her father caught her around the waist before she had made it five steps.

"Iie! Let me go!"

Hashira held firm. "You're gonna be a good girl and obey your papa, hear me?" He jerked her roughly, and she cried out again.

"Yameru! Let me go!" Despite her kicking and screaming, his hold did not loosen a bit. He kissed her head again, and she elbowed him in the face as hard as she could.

In anger, Hashira grabbed Haruka by the back of her neck. She cried out, but he ignored her. Hauling the screaming child roughly to his bedroom, he threw her down onto the bed, nearly knocking her unconscious as her skull hit the headboard. "Onegai, Papa, yamete!" Haruka sobbed, but Hashira never seemed to hear her.

"What's the matter, little angel? What are you afraid of?" Haruka's cries went unheard into the night.

* * * * *

When Haruka awoke in the morning, her world was spinning. Her father was gone, and the sun was already high in the sky. No doubt she was already extremely late for school.

Haruka stumbled from the bed and immediately fell to her knees, crying out in pain and then swearing under her breath. Rising shakily to her feet, she somehow made it to her bedroom, finding a pair of clean blue jeans and a T-shirt and pulling them on. Slowly, she sat down on her own bed, rubbing her forehead gingerly to try to clear her dizziness.

It still hurt. Haruka did not imagine her pain would end anytime soon. She hated him for it. Any love she felt deep down for this man who was her father, some empty title given to him for assisting in her existence… any love she still felt for him at all was buried deep by her burning hatred. She had never known Hashira particularly well, having seldom seen him when he was sober, but she'd supposed there was some kind of connection deep down. She no longer cared — connection or not, she would always hate him. Shinyuuki perhaps had felt some kind of obligation to take care of the man who had fathered her child, the man who was her husband, but Haruka owed him nothing. So he had given her life, big deal. She'd just as soon be dead.

So _this_ was what her mother had gone through all the time on account of her. She'd never truly known what was happening when she heard cries in the middle of the night. Haruka had never been a naïve child, but it was something that she could not understand at such an early age, until having experienced it herself. Of course, few could imagine the immense pain of rape of a five-year-old child. Wait… was it five years old still? Haruka couldn't remember. What day was it?

Sitting up, the girl pulled her racecar calendar down from the wall. The day before was not marked off yet — she usually did that just before she went to bed. She quickly looked to see the date and immediately let her eyes fall shut. _January 27_… Her birthday. She was six years old today. Hell of a lot of good it did her.

With a yell, Haruka threw the calendar across the room as hard as she could. It crashed into a framed picture on the dresser, knocking it to the floor. After waiting to catch her breath, Haruka stood and walked over to the dresser, stooping down to pick up the photograph. It could not have been taken more than a year ago. It was of her and Shinyuuki in a park somewhere. That was before the woman had been diagnosed…. Kazekage had been there — he'd been the one taking the picture. They both looked very happy.

Haruka ran her fingers over the glass, which was cracked as a result of the calendar knocking it from the dresser. As pain welled up inside of her, she dropped it to the floor once more, quickly standing up and backing away. With a shout of anguish or anger… she wasn't quite sure which… the child punched the wall as hard as she could, leaving a noticeable mark where her fist had struck. She then dropped into a crouch, covering her head with her hands.

_My little angel… My beautiful baby girl…_ Haruka did not want to be beautiful. She just wanted to be her. And right then, beautiful was the last thing she wanted to be. She wondered if her father would have raped a son or if it was just because she was a girl. _My baby girl…_ Haruka didn't know that she particularly wanted to be a boy specifically, tomboyish though she was, but she'd rather be anything else than what she was then.

Haruka ran a hand through her shoulder-length hair, which had come out of its ponytail sometime in the night. She was struck then by an oddly appealing thought. She did not know why or from where. Maybe it would make no difference. But she needed a change… of any kind.

And anyway, it seemed fitting for the kind of girl she was. She'd always been more like a boy than a girl, anyhow. She knew how she was already a disappointment to Shinyuuki and would be her whole life. She might as well be herself as well as she could at any given moment. Try though she might, that was as much as she could ever be. Goodbye forever to her mother's perfect dream.

* * * * *

Haruka woke to the sound of a door slamming. After taking a few moments to come to her senses, she realized what the sound would mean — her father was home. She sat completely still, barely even breathing, and listened to him moving around throughout the apartment.

After a while, Haruka heard Hashira call out, "Yuuki, there's blood on the bed!" Yuuki? How drunk _was_ he? A few minutes later, the door to Haruka's bedroom opened, and the girl immediately moved as far away from her father as possible, the wall at her back hindering her effort. "Where's your mother?"

Haruka stared at him for several long seconds. "She's dead — don't you remember?"

Hashira blinked, not seeming to understand. "What happened to your hair, Haruka-chan?"

The girl swallowed. "I cut it."

"Why? It was pretty before."

"I don't wanna be pretty! I just wanna be me!"

Hashira leaned on the doorframe for support. "The bed's all messed up — you know what happened to it?"

You_ did it! That's _my_ blood!_ Haruka wanted to shout, but instead she just gritted her teeth together and swallowed again. "No. I don't… I don't know."

Hashira was silent for several moments. Haruka could not begin to guess what he was thinking. "You know, you look like a boy like that."

"I don't care. What's wrong with it?"

"It ain't wrong, kid, I just thought you looked better before. I liked you better lookin' like a little girl."

"I don't."

"Suit yourself, baby. Do me a favor, will ya? Help me change out the sheets and blanket on this bed." Haruka swallowed hard but did as she was told. She trembled all the way through it as the memories of the previous night returned. Hashira did not notice. He did not appear to remember what he'd done.

When Haruka had finished helping her father with the bed, he dropped a heavy hand onto her shoulder. "You're a good girl, you know that?"

Haruka tried to jerk away unsuccessfully. "I'm really not, Papa. Ask my teachers. They'll tell ya what a shitty kid I am."

His grip tightened on her shoulder, and Haruka suppressed a yelp of pain. "No, you're not. You really are my good little girl."

* * * * *

The boys had barely recognized Haruka when she'd gone down to the basketball court to play. Not only her hair — her expression, her bearing had changed. After making fun of her for a while, they seemed to lose interest in her altered appearance and even accepted her better than they had before — she felt more like one of the guys now, not quite as much of a misfit as she'd been. If they'd had problems letting a chibi little girl play, despite her skills, they did not have any problems letting a boy, even one her age, play with them, and much like other kids their age, they were simple enough to judge a person based solely on appearance. Still the youngest and still a girl underneath, Haruka was never popular by any means, but she took less flak than she had in the past.

"Shujinkou-san! Heads up!" Haruka ducked around one of the older boys to catch the ball on a bounce, her size granting her agility that often came in handy. Senchou blocked her, creating a wall that she could not get past. Haruka passed the ball behind her back to Kenji, who'd finally forgiven her for the broken nose, and he shortly after scored, receiving hand-slaps from his whole team. Several of them even smacked Haruka on the back for her quick maneuvering.

"Good job, chibi."

"Nice pass!"

Haruka accepted their compliments with noncommittal nods. She really just wanted to get on with the game and was relieved when they did so. She'd never cared for their systematic venting of emotions, be they positive or negative, between plays, and she cared especially little at that point in her life.

The game ended twenty-two to sixteen in favor of Haruka's team. As she was walking away, someone called after her, "Haruka-san." She turned slowly to see one of the oldest boys, Tomo, smiling friendlily in her direction. "My brother is racing his dirt bike on Sunday, and a bunch of us are gonna go watch. Wanna come?"

"Sure." With that, she turned and left the court and the boys behind, trotting slowly along as the sun set to her left. It had been days since she'd been back to school… since January 26 to be exact. She imagined someone would start to wonder if she did not return soon. Besides, she seemed to have healed physically enough to be up and around all day and be just fine. People might suspect something was wrong if she just stopped going to school altogether, and the last thing Haruka wanted was adults who blabbed on and on about how much they cared and wanted to help poking about in her life. If they cared so much, they should just piss off and let her take care of things herself. They could do nothing except make things worse.

The phone was ringing when Haruka walked into the apartment. She hung up her jacket and immediately moved to answer the insistent ringing. "Moshi moshi?"

"Haruka-chan! I'm glad I finally caught you. Where've you been these past few days?"

"K… Kage. Uh, nowhere, really. H…" She coughed to clear her throat. "How are you?"

"Haruka-chan? Are you all right? You sound… odd. Is everything okay?"

"Hai, everything is fine, Kage. Doushite?"

"Is Hashira treating you all right?" Haruka paused, and Kazekage immediately picked up on it. "Oh no, Haruka-chan, what did he do?" Her heart started pounding harder in her chest, and her uncle could hear her breaths coming faster over the phone. "Haruka-chan! Haruka-chan, tell me. What happened?"

"H… he…" The words caught in her throat, unwilling to come out.

"Haruka-chan? Oh, God, no… I'm coming back there, all right? I'm not gonna leave you with him anymore, got that? Haruka-chan, do you hear me?"

Haruka's eyes were unfocused. She heard Kazekage's words, but they were distant, almost as if he existed in a world separate from hers. He belonged in her past. The present had no room for the laughter and the love they'd once shared. Everything she'd known was all over, and it was time she let go.

Slowly, ignoring her uncle's voice floating through from the other end, Haruka hung up the receiver.

* * * * *

As Haruka walked into the garage, a man called from behind her, "Hey, kid, can I help you with something?" She turned at the voice, belonging to Mairu, and he stopped immediately as he recognized her. "Oh, Haruka-chan, I thought you were a boy with your new haircut. I like it, though — it suits you. You… haven't heard, have you?" The look behind his eyes was heavy, like he had bad news to tell her and did not want to be the one to deliver it.

"Hear what?"

Mairu hesitated. "We got a call from Kazekage's parents the other day…."

"My grandparents?" Haruka was surprised. She'd never had any contact with them before — it was seldom she ever heard mention of them. "What'd they say?"

"Well… you see… Kage was in a car wreck back in Italy. He didn't make it." Haruka stared at him, no words coming to mind. Kage? Dead? It hardly seemed right…. Her uncle was always so full of life — how could that life be gone? "They knew he had friends here, so they called to see if any of us wanted to come to the funeral this Friday."

"They didn't call me…." Haruka sat down on the ground, her mind whirling. True she had been pushing Kage away of late… ever since Shinyuuki had died. But to find out that he was _dead_…

"His friends in Italy said he was on his way to the airport, guessing to come back here. They didn't know why."

Haruka looked up, shocked. "For me… He was coming to see me. He told me he was going to come back — he didn't trust Papa to take care of me — but I hung up on him. I didn't think he'd come back after that…."

Mairu's eyes widened. "Haruka-chan… Goddamn, I'm sorry for what happened, but the accident, it wasn't your fault, you know."

Without looking at him, Haruka rose to her feet. "No. It's all my fault. I destroyed all their lives — Mama, Kage… I'm just a no-good little shitsmear, nothing more than a baka mistake, and they gave up everything for me." With that, she started away, not looking back even as Mairu called after her.

If Haruka hadn't been alone before, she certainly was now. Even when she'd been rejecting Kazekage's love, there had been someone in the world who cared for her, though in a place very far away. Now there was no one — now it was final. She knew she was on her own for the rest of her life. Oddly, she was not frightened by the idea; she simply accepted it with a grim heart.

Haruka stopped a few blocks away from her apartment, setting down her bookbag and looking up to the sky. "Mama… gomen nasai…" She almost expected to have to fight off tears, but she did not. No tears threatened. Her eyes were dry. The emptiness of tears… of crying to ease her pain… meant nothing to her. The sorrow was kept inside for all eternity, to fade away into memory, covered by time and life while never going away, never leaving the depths of her heart. She would carry the scars for the rest of her life… until the day she died.

* * * * *

Haruka had found out from Mairu where and when Kazekage's funeral would be held. She knew that people were supposed to dress nice for these things, but the most formal clothing she could find were a pair of khakis two sizes too big and a black, long-sleeved shirt that buttoned down the front. She'd never owned any dresses, though she wasn't sure she would have worn one anyway. Her life had never called much for formal attire.

The memories were still fresh in Haruka's mind of the last funeral she'd been too. But then she hadn't gone alone. Kage had been with her the whole time. There had not been many people at that one — only Shinyuuki's closest friends. Kazekage had had many acquaintances who attended his memorial service, along with Ten'ou family friends and so on.

Haruka sat silently as the preacher spoke. There was a casket on a pedestal in front of the center aisle with a picture of Kazekage on top of it. The casket remained closed throughout the entire ceremony. Mairu had told her it would be that way because of how brutal the accident was.

After the funeral ended, Haruka sat off to the side in the graveyard and watched the men bury the casket with her uncle in it. A couple who could only be her grandparents, Ten'ou Shitsuke and Megumu, judging by their resemblance to the few pictures she'd seen of them, stood by the entire time. Once the men had gone, they still stayed, Megumu crying into a handkerchief as her husband held her close. Haruka had wanted to wait until they were gone, but after over an hour, she concluded that they were going to hold out longer than she was.

Trotting slowly forward, Haruka stepped past the man and woman so that she could lay the handful of flowers she'd held throughout the entire duration of funeral on Kazekage's grave. They weren't roses or anything nice like that — she had no money for such things — just some everyday flowers she'd picked in the park on her way over. They were the best she could offer.

"Excuse me, young man, who are you?" asked Haruka's grandfather. She rose slowly and turned to face the couple.

"I'm Haruka — your granddaughter." The couple had never met her before, had never had anything to do with her. Haruka had expected to see them at Shinyuuki's funeral, but they had not attended. She'd concluded at that time that she would be just fine if she never saw their faces in her life. But there they were, and she accepted their presence just as she would have done for any stranger on the street.

The girl's grandmother looked shocked. "Haruka? Yuuki's daughter? But that's impossible — you look like a little boy."

Haruka brushed some of her bangs away from her eyes with the back of her hand. "Yeah? So what of it? You look to me like loving, caring parents, but you're not underneath."

Shitsuke's expression hardened in anger. "How could you say something such as that, child?" he snapped. "We just lost our only son!"

"My only uncle," Haruka replied bluntly, surprised that no anger seeped into her voice. "And when your only daughter died, you didn't even come to the funeral. You wouldn't even help pay for treatment, and I know you had the money. You just forgot she ever existed, didn't you? I was the reason for it all, and that's why you never wanted to meet me. It's my fault that your daughter wasn't perfect."

Megumu knelt down so that her moist eyes would meet her granddaughter's tearless ones. It was obvious that the girl had not cried a bit that day. "It's not like that, Haruka-chan." The child could not help but wrinkle her nose at the woman's familiar choice of honorific. "Shitsuke and I did not agree with the path your mother chose to take. She knew that we disapproved and accepted that her life was her own responsibility. It's not that we didn't love her."

Haruka shook her head. "Vaffanculo. I learned that from your son." With that she brushed past them.

"Nani?" Shitsuke asked, surprised, as his one and only grandchild walked away.

"It's 'fuck off' in Italian," the girl called back over her shoulder.

The couple stared after her in shock until she was long out of sight.


	3. Trust: Delusions of Faith

**AN: Here you are. Two more after this. Thanks a ton to all my reviewers.^_^**

Part III:

_Trust_

Phase 1 - _Delusions of Faith_

Haruka sat by herself next to the fence, throwing rocks idly at the dirt. Over two years had passed since Shinyuuki and Kazekage had died, and she had done well in that time to drown out the memories of her past, centering herself fully in the present moment. She still had no friends — not that she had since started caring — and still got into trouble for fighting and cussing in school, though at least she had started paying attention and making decent grades. Her teachers tried to encourage her to put more time and effort into her studies, saying she could be close to the top of her class if she would only apply herself. She endured their nagging but mostly ignored it. She had no desire to make top of the class.

"Haruka-san?" asked a young, feminine voice. Haruka looked up, and the pretty, red-haired girl blushed becomingly. She looked about Haruka's age, but Haruka did not know her. There were enough students in the school that she was not familiar with most of them, even the ones in her own grade. Judging from redhead's shy expression, Haruka guessed with amusement that the girl was not aware of Haruka's gender. Most students mistook her for a boy, and many of the girls even flirted with her on occasion. She had to admit she kind of enjoyed it.

"Yeah? That's me."

The girl flushed even redder and smiled shyly. "A bunch of us are gonna play baseball, and we need an extra player on our team. I heard you're really good at sports…."

Haruka flashed a smile and pushed off the fence, standing up straight. She was tall for her age, that fact and her boyish voice lending to the common misconception concerning her gender. "Sure, I'll play."

The teams had fairly equal numbers of boys and girls. Haruka played hard, as always, but her team still lost by three points because the opposing team had a higher number of good players. Haruka was not particularly displeased with the outcome. Few others could rival her as a player.

Haruka wiped sweat from her brow with the back of her arm as she started away, but she froze with a jump as someone let out a cry behind her. Turning around, she saw the red-haired girl who'd approached her earlier. The girl — Yuuwa, Haruka had learned was her name — was staring at Haruka, her face pale. Shakily, she raised a hand to point at Haruka's leg. "You're bleeding!"

Haruka looked down to see that her jeans were ripped and her leg indeed bleeding from a bad scrape. "Oh, must've been from when I stole third in the bottom of fifth," she said with a shrug. "Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it?" Yuuwa repeated in disbelief as she walked over and dropped to her knees, carefully examining the wound. Haruka looked down at her, surprised.

"Yeah, it's not that bad. I've had worse."

"But all the skin is scraped off here! Look at it!"

"I can take it."

Yuuwa looked up at Haruka, her midnight blue eyes glistening slightly. "But why?"

Haruka blinked in surprise. "Nani?"

"Why don't you care that you're hurt? Isn't it painful?"

The tomboy blinked again. "Of course it is. But I don't mind that much."

Yuuwa blushed as she rose to her feet. "I didn't know you were so tough. It's really impressive." She giggled. Haruka unsure how to reply. The pretty redhead averted her eyes as she continued nervously, "I… I was wondering if you might… you know… wanna go out with me."

Haruka smiled softly and lowered her eyes. "You know, I would, Yuuwa-san, but I doubt your parents would want you dating someone like me."

Yuuwa's face fell. "B… but they won't mind. They would be okay with a nice boy like you. Do you not like me or something?"

"Nah, I think you're great, but it's just as I said. Trust me, all right? And leave it at that." Haruka's teacher called for the students to return for class, and Haruka turned with a last smile. "Ja ne."

She felt somewhat bad as she walked away, leaving a dejected Yuuwa behind. She would have liked to have said yes, in actuality. The girl was cute. Haruka had noticed through her interaction — limited thought it was — with her peers that she was actually more attracted to girls, ironically, than she was to boys. In fact, she felt no physical attraction at all to members of the opposite gender. She could not have said why. She was certain that her mother would have been disappointed in her if she turned out to be gay, but she was firm in her belief that Shinyuuki would have been disappointed in her anyway. She no longer endeavored to concern herself with the little girl her mother had always dreamt of and instead did whatever felt right. So she was a lesbian. She was a tomboy. She was something of an asshole with no friends and no discernable future. It was who she was, simply enough, and it made no difference to her what the rest of the world thought about any of it.

Not that Haruka had any particular interest in dating, not even in dating girls. She was better off with no one to hold her down, no weight to drag on her as she ran onward. How many girls would really care about her, anyway? Assuming they stuck around even after they discovered her sexual identity, their feelings would still be nothing deeper than a childish crush. Besides, she was never good at getting close to people. And all of that aside, she was only eight — what were the chances she'd find her soulmate at that age? They were all just naïve, innocent little kids, anyway. She was a bitter little son-of-a-bitch, so to speak, with more of a past at eight years of age than most of her classmates would achieve in an entire lifetime.

That night, Haruka was watching an interview with a renowned auto racer when the door to the apartment slammed. She gritted her teeth at the sound and tried to ignore the twisting feeling in her stomach. Not long later, Hashira came into the living room. The girl did not turn to look at him.

"Haruka, turn this shit off, will ya?" he growled irritably.

"Hello to you too," she replied sarcastically.

Hashira backhanded her hard in the back of the neck, knocking her to the floor from her place on the couch. "What kind of sass is that?" Haruka grimaced in pain but did not cry out. She'd learned that the best thing to do in these situations was to keep quiet, no matter how much she wanted to scream or even cry.

Haruka did not answer her father. He was sure in a mood…. Must've had a bad day. That, added to the vast quantities of alcohol in his system…

Hashira was actually not so bad, she'd found, when he wasn't drunk. He was still no father figure, even sober, but at least he was not abusive or anything. Sometimes, if Haruka happened to see him in the morning after he'd slept off all the alcohol, he even apologized for beating and raping her. That was, if he remembered doing it at all. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't. Haruka was never sure which to expect, not that it really mattered, anyhow. He made no promises, though, to try to be a good father or stop drinking or anything of the sort — they both knew very well that he would never, so there was no point in lying. At these times, when he was sober and aware of himself, Haruka somehow did not hate him. Not that she loved him or even particularly liked him or anything, but they kind of reached a mutual acceptance of each other, and these brief moments were not so terrible.

"Fix us something for dinner, why don't ya?" Hashira mumbled as he fell into a slouching position on the couch. Haruka had already eaten, but she did as she was told anyway. She did not know how to make anything except sandwiches and instant food, but she could do that much. It might save her a beating.

Haruka tried once to slip away as her father ate his meal, but he caught her by the shirt collar and pulled her back. "Don't go runnin' off, little girl. I could use the company." So she sat and waited for another opportunity to escape to her bedroom. If she tried to leave and got caught again, he would probably beat her. So she stayed and hoped that he would forget about her presence, which he occasionally though far too seldom did.

When Hashira was done eating, he set his dishes aside and started talking to Haruka about something or other. She tuned him out quickly, disappearing into her own thoughts. She jumped in surprise as he ran a hand through her short, sandy hair, jolting her back into reality. Haruka instinctively pulled away, receiving a hard strike across the head for it. She should have known better. He got very irritable when he was drunk and hated when she acted so detached.

Haruka, still on the floor where she'd fallen after Hashira had hit her, lay motionless, part from dizziness and part from unwillingness to move. A moment later, she felt her father's hand on her shoulder and jerked into an upright position. "Ah, now don't get all feisty on me, Haruka-chan."

Haruka immediately pushed his hand away and started scrambling backward. It was at these points that she didn't care if she got beaten or not. She knew that tone in his voice and knew what was coming. If getting away meant getting a beating, she'd take it.

Hashira immediately sprung after her. She turned to run but fell as he grabbed hold of her foot. "Kuso! Leave me alone, dammit!" the girl cried, kicking to get loose. Hashira ignored her, dragging her back toward him. He was really in one of his states tonight…. Haruka was still screaming and swearing as he grabbed the waist of her pants and slid his right hand around to fumble with the button and zipper.

Haruka felt her father's breath behind her ear and snapped her head back hard, her skull connecting with his nose. Hashira cried out in pain, and one hand flew to his face. Haruka took advantage of what could be her only opportunity and kicked him as hard as she could in the balls, scooting quickly out from under him and running to her room to lock the door immediately behind her. Out of breath, she fell back against the door and buried her head in her knees.

"Chikusho…" Haruka growled under her breath. She slammed her fist against the floor as Hashira began shouting and pounding on the other side of the door in rage. "Chikusho!"

* * * * *

_It's not that I didn't care about your mother,_ Hashira had said to Haruka once when she'd seen him early, before he left for work. _We were just never meant to be together._

"Do you always sit over here by yourself?" Haruka looked up at Yuuwa, whose comment had broken her train of thought. She was not annoyed — thinking too much was never good. It brought back memories….

"I've always been by myself."

"Don't you get lonely?" Yuuwa asked as she sat down next to Haruka.

"No. It's better off this way. You know, you don't have to come over here because you feel sorry for me. I'm just fine on my own."

"I don't feel sorry for you." Yuuwa sounded hurt, almost insulted. "I just like you."

"Doushite?"

The pretty, young girl smiled. "What do you mean? I think you're very likeable."

Haruka chuckled. "If you knew me better, you might think differently."

"No I wouldn't." Yuuwa scooted closer. "There's nothing that could make me stop liking you." Without warning, she kissed Haruka on the cheek. It was just an innocent peck kiss, but it surprised Haruka anyway. And charmed her. Maybe Yuuwa didn't know of her sexual identity. Maybe if they got to know each other, that wouldn't matter anymore.

Haruka stood up abruptly, startling Yuuwa. _So he doesn't like me any after all_… the redhead thought sadly. When Haruka held out a hand to help her up, she took it dejectedly.

As soon as Yuuwa was on her feet, Haruka shocked her by kissing her full on the lips. The tomboy did not use any tongue — didn't want to scare the girl. But by the time she finally pulled away, Yuuwa was dazed and flushed.

"There's my final answer," Haruka said softly. "Just remember that you made the choice." With that, she turned and walked away toward the school building, leaving a stunned Yuuwa behind her.

* * * * *

Haruka shifted the gear again as her right hand twisted the wheel hard left. As promised, her friends at the car garage had started teaching her to drive as soon as she was big enough to reach the pedals. She was not especially thrilled with her skills so far, but that fact by no means meant she was going to give up, and all the mechanics teaching her assured the girl that she would grow into the driver's seat. They seemed impressed already, even if she wasn't, and that was a good enough sign.

"Haruka-san, slow down!" Ryuui said nervously. He had volunteered to take her driving that day, even though he'd never done it before. Apparently, he had not been paying much attention when the other guys were talking about their sessions with the child. He was a rookie of only three months at the garage, so he and Haruka had not had much time to get to know one another yet. Her distant disposition only added more longevity to the jumpstart of their friendship.

"I lost momentum on that last hairpin," the girl replied calmly. "Trust me."

"Damn! You're not gonna make the curve at this speed!"

Haruka ignored him, pressing the accelerator as the car steadily gained velocity. At the last moment possible by her calculations and, more importantly, her instincts, she threw the car into a drift. Ryuui's panicked cries did little for her concentration, but she fairly successfully shut them out. The screeching of the tires was like music to her ears, just knowing that she controlled that sound and every other emitted by the vehicle pulsing around her, encasing her, at her fingertips.

The right side of the car came within an inch of the guardrail. Haruka grinned as they came out of the drift safe and sound, but her grin disappeared quickly as the engine suddenly stalled. "Shit!" She fought for control of the car, nearly losing it but managing to hold on barely, bringing them to a skidding stop with no real damage done.

"Goddamn, kid, you must be insane," Ryuui breathed, shaking his head.

"More than likely. I'm getting out to make sure there's nothing damaged."

"How'd it go, Haruka-chan?" Mairu asked good-naturedly as she pulled the car back into the garage later that day.

"Not as well as I'd've liked. Engine stalled right after a fairly smooth brake drift. Had to end the session after that."

"She's exaggerating on the drift thing," Ryuui said as he jumped out of the car, almost as if he could not wait to step back on solid ground. "I don't know many who could've done it. I almost pissed my pants!"

The other guys laughed. "Well, I'm glad you didn't," Menkyo replied. "I wouldn't've forgiven you if you'd messed up the front seat of my car."

"Here." Haruka tossed Menkyo the keys and turned to leave.

"Hey, where you goin'? Not gonna stick around?"

"Nope," she called over her shoulder. "I've got a date."

* * * * *

Haruka rang the doorbell, and a split second later, the door was wide open, and Yuuwa was standing on the other side. "Haruka-kun! You're here!" She hurried Haruka inside and shut the door behind them. "You're right on time — that's good. My mom and dad are annoyed when people get here too early, but you know they hate people who are late."

Haruka laughed. "Who _do_ they like?"

"Haruka-kun, if you make comments like that, they sure aren't going to like _you_."

"Gomen."

"So is this the boy?" asked an adult, feminine voice, and a moment later, a woman in her mid-thirties appeared.

Haruka stood up straighter, dipping her head briefly to show her respect. "I'm Shujinkou Haruka, ma'am. Pleased to meet you."

"At least he's got good manners," Yuuwa's father said in a cheerful voice as he came in next to his wife. "You must be the boy Yuuwa's been telling us so much about." He held out a hand, and Haruka shook it.

"I wouldn't know, Mr. Hakaru. Most people don't bother to talk about me."

"Well, you seem like a respectable young man," Hakaru Hogosha said with a friendly smile. "My wife, Tanin, and I are obliged. Why not come in, and we'll have something to eat?"

After dinner, Haruka sat in the family room with Hogosha while Yuuwa helped her mother clean up in the kitchen. "You know," the man said with a chuckle, "in case you haven't noticed it yet, I think my daughter has a bit of a crush on you, son."

Haruka laughed. She'd wondered just how much Yuuwa had told her parents. Apparently, she had mentioned nothing about any established romance, not that Haruka minded. Yuuwa's parents probably did not want her dating so young. It must have been nice to have someone love her enough to be so protective…. "I suppose so. She's the first person to really talk to me since I started school."

"I can't see why. You seem to be a nice enough boy to me."

"I'm just not good at making friends, I guess."

"Friends, huh? Is that how you think of Yuuwa-chan?"

Haruka blinked as she considered the question. "How would you have me think of her? I swear I won't go beyond that."

Hogosha sighed as he sat back on the couch. "Well, if Yuuwa-chan's going to have a little boyfriend, I would prefer him be someone like you. I trust her judgment. I don't know your upbringing, but you seem to be a decent boy. If you prove otherwise, I'll have to reconsider."

Haruka nodded. She otherwise did not respond. They talked for a while longer before Tanin and Yuuwa joined them. "What time do you have to be home by, Haruka-san?" Tanin asked.

"I'd like to be back by six — there's a race on television that I don't want to miss."

"Are you into track, son?" Hogosha inquired curiously.

"Well, I do like to run, but I really like auto racing. It's been my life's passion since I can remember."

"If you like, I could give you a ride home."

"No thanks, sir. I think I can make it on my own."

Haruka's mind was wandering when she pushed open the door to her apartment that night. It was an odd feeling. She was used to her entire consciousness being focused fully in the present. But she kept thinking about Yuuwa's family. They were so happy, so normal and carefree. She almost hated to break into it.

"Papa? You home?" There was no answer, so Haruka assumed that her father had not returned from work yet. She sat down on the couch and flipped on the television. The race would be on in few than five minutes, and she did not want to miss any of it.

At eleven-thirty that night, Haruka was woken by someone roughly tapping her shoulder. Groaning, she rubbed her eyes and blinked until her vision cleared. It was then that she realized that she'd fallen asleep on the couch. Looking up, she saw her father standing over her. "Papa?"

"Good morning, Haruka-chan."

"Is it morning already?"

"I don't know. Maybe." He laughed a bit. Haruka blinked confusedly. There was something different about him on that night… his tone, his eyes…

"You haven't been drinking tonight, Papa."

Hashira shrugged. "I had other stuff to take care of." Haruka would never know just where he'd been that night, but just the fact that he had come home sober… Never had that occurred within her memory.

"I was thinking," the man continued, "maybe you and me could go out someplace to eat. You know, spend some time together or something."

Haruka sat up, rubbing her eyes again. "Is anyplace open this late?"

"I don't know. I'm sure we could find somewhere, hey?" He smiled down at her, a dashing grin that made him look something like a handsome prince with just a touch of rogue in him. Haruka wondered if that smile had had anything to do with what had happened between him and Shinyuuki nine years ago.

Running a hand through her hair, Haruka stood up and stretched. "I'm sure we could."

* * * * *

_I may not know how to show it most of the time, but I always did love you, Haruka-chan. I wish you could have had a better father than me, someone who would take care of you and give you everything a little girl could want. I wish the same for you mother. I'm sorry for what happened__…._

Sleep refused to come. As tired as Haruka was, her thoughts were just too troubling. The words kept bouncing around in her head... along with the memories. There were some things, some wounds, that time simply could not erase. Even knowing that there was love... that after all the hurt, physical and mental, that her father actually did love her... even that could not fix the things he'd done, the things Haruka had lost at the hands of fortune, things that could not be undone or ever forgotten or mended. What was she to do with these?

_Where do we go? _Haruka thought to herself. _Where can we go where there's no more pain? Where a little bit of love can wash it all away?_

Knowing almost made it worse. Knowing that he somehow, someway, loved her through it all... She did not know if she could truly hate him now, after all. It was so much easier when he was not quite human. When he had no feelings.

Pulling the covers tighter around herself, Haruka shut her eyes against the dark.

* * * * *

Haruka could not have known what an incredibly short amount of time would pass before it was all over. Before she could draw a breath, the small hope she'd believed in would be gone.

The only thing concrete in her life had been cars. People would be there one second and the next be gone forever. They could never be depended on. But cars and racing would always remain. As time went by, instead of fading away, they got faster and better, leaving the rest of the world behind even quicker than they had before. Haruka still ran. She still wanted to disappear into the wind, be lost in it forever, to leave all the hurt and troubles behind with her speed and fly away as she'd once believed she could.

Haruka scored a jumpshot, but before she could receive praise from her teammates, an angelic voice called her name from not far away. She whirled to see Yuuwa standing off to one side, waving excitedly. "Haruka-kun!"

Haruka's heart very nearly stopped beating. She was happy to see Yuuwa, but if the girl started talking to the people who knew Haruka, she would find out Haruka's secret before she was ready. Turning to her other team members, the tomboy hurriedly said, "Hey guys, you'll have to finish up without me, all right?"

She ignored the others' complaints as she ran off toward Yuuwa, quickly leading the girl away down the street. "Matte, Haruka-kun, I want to meet your friends."

"You don't need to meet them."

"Well, I haven't even met your family yet. Can I at least…"

"No," Haruka replied firmly. "Definitely not. That would be a disaster."

Yuuwa looked hurt. "But… why? I let you meet my family. Are… are you ashamed of me, Haruka-kun?"

Haruka stopped dead, turning to look at Yuuwa. "Iie. Never, Yuuwa-san. You're the only thing in my life I'm proud of. But… my father is just really messed up, and I don't want you to get involved in all that."

"Well, what about your mother?"

Haruka looked away, off somewhere in front of them, and continued walking again. "My mother died a long time ago, Yuuwa-san. I know she would have loved to meet you, though."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Haruka shrugged, still not meeting Yuuwa's gaze. "I don't dwell on the past. There's no point. Nothing there makes a difference now."

"Do you really believe that?"

Haruka stopped, surprised, her eyes finally snapping back to look at Yuuwa. "Yes, I do. What's gone is gone. What more is there to say about it?"

Yuuwa looked sad. "I don't know… there should be something more. Is there nothing about the past that you value to remember?"

Haruka hesitated. "Dredging up memories only brings pain. All that really matters is what we do right now."

"Like this?" With a mischievous smile, Yuuwa kissed Haruka on the lips, surprising her. Yuuwa was usually such a conservative girl. Not that Haruka wasn't pleased.

With a smile, Haruka swept Yuuwa up in her strong arms. The girl squealed and giggled. "Haruka-kun, what are you doing?"

Carrying the delicate redheaded girl all the way back to her apartment building, Haruka took her up to the roof before finally setting Yuuwa down. She breathed steadily, so as not to betray her tired muscles. The girl was worth it.

"What is this place?" Yuuwa asked softly.

"My mother and I used to come up here to watch the sunset. I love the feeling of the wind up this high. I wanted to share it with you."

The sun had just begun to dip low on the horizon, casting the first stray wisps of neon color into the dimming sky. Sighing peacefully, Yuuwa allowed her head to drop onto Haruka's shoulder. "I used to think you were so strange and distant, Haruka-kun. I didn't think you'd ever let me get close to you. I'm glad you did."

Haruka looked down at Yuuwa, whose gaze was directed dreamily out at the horizon. "So am I."

* * * * *

The door opened not thirty seconds after Haruka rang the bell, and Hakaru Hogosha appeared standing on the other side. Haruka held Yuuwa's sleeping form in her arms, the girl's head resting lightly on Haruka's chest. "I'm sorry, sir. I took Yuuwa-san to this place where I used to watch the sunset with my mother when I was a kid. I wanted her to see…. She fell asleep. And she looked so peaceful, I didn't want to bother her. I didn't mean to keep your daughter out late or anything."

Hogosha took the girl into his own arms carefully. Haruka started away silently but stopped when the man called after her. She turned slowly to face him, and he smiled warmly if a bit hesitantly. "Thank you for bringing her home. Would you like to join us for dinner tomorrow night?"

Haruka smiled. "Hai."

"I'll see you tomorrow, son."

The girl nodded. "Yes sir. Oyasumi."

Seconds later, Haruka was gone. Hogosha looked down lovingly at the girl sleeping peacefully in his arms. She stirred slightly, snuggling closer to him. He could not have helped but smile.

* * * * *

Haruka held Yuuwa's hand tightly, practically dragging her all the way to the apartment, always with a mischievous, excited grin. "This is where I live. It's not great or anything, but it's home, I guess — my whole life."

Haruka showed the girl around the apartment. Yuuwa giggled and smiled becomingly. Haruka always marveled at what a pretty girl she was. "This was my mother's," Haruka said as she ran her hand over the wooden piano. "We used to play together when I was a kid. I would practice all the time so that I'd feel as if I was good enough to play alongside her. She was incredible." Sitting down, Haruka began to play one of the pieces Shinyuuki had always loved. The notes were committed to memory, flowing out through her fingertips in the form of beautiful music as though the air itself were possessed by the melody.

Yuuwa smiled and began humming along to the song. When they'd first met, Haruka had never acted excited about anything, never smiled or even spoke much. But Yuuwa was finding depths to her distant peer that she wondered whether anyone else had seen before. Maybe Haruka was changing, or maybe… just no one had ever gotten close enough to see what Yuuwa could.

"This is your room?" Yuuwa asked as she looked around the small bedroom, which was unkempt and crudely decorated with anything imaginable having to do with cars, but somehow it felt… comfortable.

"Yup. I know it's a mess, but…"

"No, it's fine. I like it."

"It's all right. More than I deserve, so I'm not one to complain."

Yuuwa glanced at her companion disapprovingly. "That's not true, Haruka-kun. You deserve anything you could ever want. If I could do anything about it, I w…" Yuuwa stopped as she picked up a photograph that had been lying facedown on the floor. The glass was cracked, and a layer of dust covered the side that had been facing up. Yuuwa wondered how long it had been there.

The front door slammed, and Haruka swore under her breath. "Shit, Papa's home!"

The photo portrayed a young woman outdoors somewhere with a little, sandy-haired girl. Yuuwa stared at it, entranced, as time seemed to unwind, becoming meaningless and almost nonexistent. As much as she did not want to believe her eyes, there was no mistaking it — the girl in the picture was Haruka. But… could it really be? That could never be possible….

Haruka grabbed Yuuwa's shoulders, drawing the girl's eyes up to meet her own. "Yuuwa-san, you've got to stay here until I tell you it's safe, all right? _Don't_ leave my room until I say so, okay?" Yuuwa nodded numbly, her expression blank, her eyes staring at someplace far off. Haruka did not have time to ask what was wrong. She quickly left the room and shut the door firmly behind her, leaving Yuuwa stunned motionless.

Haruka cleared her throat as Hashira dropped onto the couch. It was clear just by looking at him that he was even more wasted than usual. "Papa, you're home early today." Her eyes flitted nervously toward her bedroom door, where Yuuwa was safely unknown inside. "H… how… how was work?"

Hashira stood up rather abruptly. Haruka took a step back in surprise. "Papa? Is something wrong?"

The man gave her a drunken smile. "Nothin's wrong, Haruka-chan," he replied, his words slurring.

"Maybe you should sit down again," the child said carefully.

Without warning, Hashira took a swing at Haruka's head. She ducked quickly, their height difference lending her an advantage for one moment. "I'll kill you, you damned son of a bitch!" the man screamed out of nowhere. "That'll teach you not to dick around with me!"

It was clear that Hashira did not know who he was yelling at. Haruka didn't have a clue what he was saying. She dodged as he came after her again. "Papa! What the hell are you talking about?"

Suddenly, Yuuwa burst from Haruka's room, worry and fear etched on her face. "Haruka-kun…!"

Everything seemed to freeze in that instant. Yuuwa stopped dead, her breath catching in her chest. Hashira stared at the girl. Haruka's eyes widened. "Yuuwa, run!" The girl still stood frozen, her mouth slightly ajar. "Just _go_!"

Yuuwa finally broke into a sprint, bolting out the front door, leaving it open behind her. Hashira started after her, but Haruka tackled him to the ground, her determination and his drunkenness lending to the effectiveness of her attack. She knew she could not fight him for long. She just needed enough time for Yuuwa to get away.

With an unintelligible shout, Hashira struck Haruka hard across the face, knocking her halfway across the room with the force of his blow. She cried out as she hit the floor, the impact nearly knocking her unconscious. With the world spinning like mad, she was not sure what was happening around her, and never would she remember the following events of that night.

* * * * *

Yuuwa never showed up to school the next day. Not knowing what else to do, Haruka went to her family's apartment. She had to know if the girl was all right. As soon as her finger touched the doorbell, the door swung open, startling her. The expression on Hogosha's face startled her even more.

The man took a menacing step forward, and Haruka stumbled back. She would have fallen had he not grabbed her by the shirt, holding her on her feet. She had a feeling that the gesture had not been intended to help her out.

"You've been lying to us this whole time, haven't you, you little bitch?"

"W… what are you talking about, sir?" Haruka stuttered. Hogosha gave her a rough jerk.

"You know full well what I'm talking about! Yuuwa was crying to us about a photo she found in your apartment yesterday. Well, is it true? Are you a — a _girl_?" He jerked her hard by the shirt again.

Haruka's breath caught in her throat. She stared at him for a long time before finally lowering her gaze. "I am…" she replied softly.

Hogosha let go of Haruka, and she tumbled to the ground with a grunt. "If you ever come near my daughter again, I will personally see to it that you never tell a lie with that foul tongue for the rest of your life!"

The door slammed, and the man was gone. Haruka could hear Yuuwa crying from within. She sat motionless for a long time. So she had done it after all… She had broken the happiness of this perfect family. They did not want a gay little tomboy around — never would. Who would ever want her around once they found out she was a girl? People didn't want little girls to act like boys and go around dating other girls. But she knew no other way to be.

Slowly, Haruka rose to her feet. Without looking back, she walked away, leaving Yuuwa's apartment behind.

So she was on her own again, a loner once more. By this time, she was almost used to the feeling.

* * * * *

Haruka sat alone by the fence again. Someone had tried to recruit her once to play kickball, but with her reputation for fighting, a menacing glare was all it took to get rid of him.

Their relationship had barely lasted a year. Haruka should have known it could not go on forever. Yuuwa was bound to find out sooner or later, and then what? A girl like that? With a freak like her? Yuuwa deserved better, anyway. She deserved a man someday when she grew up and became a lady. And that was something Haruka could never be for her. Maybe Yuuwa, at least, could be normal. Haruka had thought maybe gender would not matter in the long run. But apparently it mattered to Yuuwa's family. It mattered to Yuuwa. And the hard truth was something that they simply could not deal with.

Haruka barely looked up as Yuuwa appeared standing over her though at a fair distance of several feet. The girl was nervous, hesitant. Her eyes studied Haruka's features, looking deeply for just what the child truly might be underneath. Sure, she looked like a boy… but did she really look that unlike a girl? Clearing her throat, Yuuwa looked down at her feet. "I… I'm sorry, Haruka-san," she stuttered softly, not sure exactly what to say. "I didn't mean for… Well, I…"

"I don't need your apologies, Hakaru-san," Haruka said, rising to face the girl. "I couldn't expect any different from you. I shouldn't have gotten involved without you knowing first."

"I just don't want to be gay, Haruka-san! Can't you understand that?" Looking up sadly and angrily, Yuuwa suddenly noticed the awful bruise on Haruka's left cheek. On impulse, stepping forward, her hand shot to Haruka's injury as worry overtook her delicate features. "Dear God, Haruka-kun, what happened?"

Haruka's eye twitched in irritation as she pulled away from the girl's touch. "It's nothing," she replied coldly.

Stepping back slightly, Yuuwa swallowed. "It's not from… the other night… is it? From you protecting me?"

"It's none of your damn business! You and your family have made it clear you want nothing to do with me. Now piss off!" Yuuwa stepped back as the harsh words struck her. "Before you get hurt again…" Haruka finished softly.

"Haruka-kun…" Yuuwa's expression softened but still betrayed hesitation.

"Go. Be happy. Find a nice guy like you thought I was."

"Gomen nasai, Haruka-san. I wish I could accept you the way you are…." Then, with tears in her eyes, Yuuwa turned on her heels and was gone. Gone forever — again.


	4. Trust: Fellowship

Part III:

_Trust_

Phase 2 - _Fellowship_

_The crowds were a blur. Everything whipped by at such an incredible speed, no one could have ever hoped to make any sense of it. But for Haruka, everything seemed almost to slow down, spanning out in a timeless moment of perfection. The faster she drove, the more she felt it. She and the car were one, one body, almost as if she had melded with it as soon as she took her place in the driver's seat. No place felt as right. She could almost feel the wind ripping by the sides of the car, consuming it, ready to lift it off the ground._

_Haruka tore across the finish line in first place and pulled to a stop, climbing out of the car to the sound of cheering from all around her. She barely had time to stand up out of the vehicle before Shinyuuki ran to embrace her tightly, tears in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you, Haruka-chan!"_

_Kazekage laughed and slapped Haruka on the shoulder. "I always said I wouldn't miss a race. I knew you could do it, chibi."_

Haruka's eyes snapped open, and she sat upright in bed. The feeling of the driver's seat, the controls at her fingertips, the wind just inches away from her, and the sound of cheering were still fresh in her mind. As was the feeling of her mother embracing her once again. Exhaling slowly, the girl looked at one of the racecar models on her dresser. _Maybe someday…_

Looking at the clock, Haruka swore under her breath, jumping from the bed to dress as quickly as possible. Forgetting breakfast, she hurried to school only to arrive fifteen minutes late despite her efforts.

Haruka was restless the entire day. Come free time, she was none too disinterested when someone challenged her to a race. At least half a dozen boys were ready to test their speed along with their pride. Haruka waited ready at the starting line, one foot positioned in front of the other, her fingertips barely touching the ground, waiting for the signal for the race the begin.

The boy next to Haruka, Tozasu, a sturdy-built young man a year ahead of her in school, leaned over a bit so that she could hear him speak in a low enough voice that no one else heard. "Hey, you know that girl over there?" He motioned with his head. "Hakaru Yuuwa?"

Haruka did not turn to look at the boy or up at Yuuwa but instead kept her eyes straight ahead. "Yeah, I know her."

"Yeah, I heard about your whole little ordeal, fagot. Well listen, she's _my _girl now, and if you come anywhere near her, I'll beat the snot out of you."

"I haven't gone anywhere near her in more than a year and a half. So either you don't really know her that well or you can't count. And if I were you, I'd be a little more careful who I threatened."

Tozasu snorted. "Yeah right, I'd never lose to a girl. Even a punk-ass girl like you."

There was a shout for the race to begin, and Haruka took off at the head of the group, gaining ground even as the others struggled to rob her of the advantage she'd gained from an abnormally quick start. But she knew full well that they wouldn't catch her. They couldn't, not a single boy in her whole school. In the whole world.

Putting every boy running against her to shame, Haruka waited patiently at the finish line for the others to arrive. Tozasu showed up with his chest heaving, breaths coming in ragged gasps, and Haruka approached him calmly, her heartbeat no higher than normal. She glowered down at the boy, who doubled over as he attempted to catch his breath. "I have no intention of touching your girlfriend or even looking at her sideways, asshole. Just know that the same threat stands for you. You hurt her, and I'll make you wish you were never whelped." Before giving him a chance to respond, Haruka turned her back and walked away without another word.

* * * * *

"What problem do you have with being a girl, anyway?" one of Haruka's classmates once asked her. This, of course, was after news of her whole saga with Yuuwa had somewhat gotten around. Really, not so many people knew, comparatively. Girls still flirted with Haruka, thinking she was a guy, but people whispered at lunch tables sometimes and cast Haruka strange glances as she passed by. She simply did as she always had — ignored everyone. What did it matter? They were all a bunch of morons anyhow.

"I don't have a problem with being a girl," Haruka replied simply.

"Then why do you dress like a boy and act like a boy and date girls?"

Haruka raised an eyebrow. The boy was small and scrawny, at least half a foot shorter than she was and wearing funny shaped glasses. She had to admit, he had guts talking the way he was to someone who could beat him to a pulp without breaking a sweat. "Why do you?"

The boy blinked. "What? I _am _a boy."

"What's your name, kid?"

"Keiji. And I don't think I'm really a kid to you since we're in the same grade."

"Well, listen, Keiji-san. You might want to try to stay out of things that are none of your damn business before you get the living shit beat out of you — but since I find you somewhat amusing, I'll answer you as best I can anyway. Why do most girls wear dresses and frilly stuff and play with dolls or whatever else they do?"

Keiji blinked again. "'Cause that's the way girls are."

"Wrong. That's the way _they_ are, but not me. Sure, it's normal for girls to do all that crap, but I was never that way. And it's not just me. There are other people like that too, girls who play sports and dress in pants and wear their hair short like this."

"But why do you wanna date girls? Was it just so people would think you were a boy?"

"No, I don't try to make people think I'm what I'm not. But I don't really mind being mistaken for a guy, either. I went out with Yuuwa-san because I really liked her."

"Isn't that sort of gross?"

"Of course not! There are guys who date other guys, aren't there?"

"I think that's gross too."

"Well, you're a freakin' baka. We all be who we are, and whoever doesn't is a real wuss."

"My daddy says it isn't natural for girls to date each other and that people who do it are wrong."

"You're dad's an asshole," Haruka growled. "And I'm getting pretty sick of you. Don't know why I didn't just pound your face in to begin with."

"Why don't you just act like every other girl?"

"I thought we'd been _through_ this already! This is how I wanna be, like it or not. It's the way I really am, and I don't let anyone tell me what not to do. Now are you gonna bug off or what?"

"I think you're cool. Do you really like kissing other girls, and you're not just doing it to show off?"

Haruka stared at the boy. "You are the most random person I've ever met. Yes, I like girls. Live with it or get lost."

"Well, I'm not gay, but I think you're pretty brave for it anyway. Can I have your autograph?"

Haruka blinked. "Again with the random… Why the hell would you want my autograph? I thought you thought it was wrong to be a homosexual."

"A what?"

"Gay, baka!"

"I thought I did too. Maybe I still do. Why do people say it's wrong, again?"

"You got me. Ask your dad, he seems to know just fine."

Keiji smiled. "Did you really beat every boy in the grade in track racing?"

"I didn't race every boy in the grade, but I guarantee I could dust 'em all."

"Isn't that kind of cocky?"

_No, because I am the wind__…._"Not when it's the truth. Besides, I'm not renowned for my lack of arrogance."

"You're not renowned for anything except fighting and kissing girls."

"Probably not. Why are you still here again?"

"I hear you beat up the principal once."

"What? Whoever said that was pulling your dick. If I did, I'd be expelled right now."

"_Could _you beat up the principal?"

"Is there a point to this conversation?"

"Well, could you?"

"I could beat up _you_!"

"What time is it?"

"_What_? Where'd that come from?"

"I have to check out at eleven thirty," Keiji replied.

Haruka sighed and checked her watch. "Eleven forty-five. You're late, baka."

"I'll talk to you again, Haruka-san."

"If you do, you'd better come up with better conversation topics."

The boy just smiled and waved. "Ja ne."

"What a messed up kid," Haruka said, shaking her head, after he'd left.

* * * * *

_"Haruka-chan…"_

_The violent winds tore at Haruka's hair and clothes. She could hear her mother's voice, but she could not see her. "Mama!" The child's call disappeared in the whipping wind, carried away where no one could hear it. Still, she shouted, hoping that her words would reach Shinyuuki's ears. "Mama! Where are you? I'm here!"_

_Then Haruka saw her. She was… in pain. And Haruka did not know how to help. She ran desperately toward the woman, but she was too late. Shinyuuki was gone, torn apart in the storm, along with everything else. "Iie!"_

_As she turned, Haruka caught a glimpse of a young girl out of the corner of her eye._

Sitting up in bed, Haruka sighed and raised a hand to her forehead. Her dreams were growing steadily worse. But what was really starting to bother her more than anything was the image of the girl. Haruka never saw her clearly. She only saw a shadow or silhouette just before she woke. She did not know much about the girl. She remembered nothing except flowing curls falling becomingly around her delicate shoulders. And those eyes… Despite never being really able to make out the figure's features in detail, Haruka somehow had managed to see her eyes. Those glowing blue orbs, piercing into her soul… calling to her…

Haruka ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes and trying to envision the girl. She enjoyed little success, but she was sure that whoever the figure in her dream might be, she was undoubtedly the most beautiful person Haruka had ever seen. She appeared to be about Haruka's age, though it was difficult to tell exactly. But Haruka would never forget those eyes.

Climbing out of her bed, the tomboy trotted into the bathroom and flipped on the shower. The cold water quickly soaked her short hair as she let it run down her head and body, washing away the memories. Even over the shower, she could hear the noises coming from her father's bedroom.

It had been four months since the first time Hashira had come home with Seirai Mieru. Now she was around almost as often as he was. Sometimes she even showed up when he wasn't there. Haruka did not mind her father having a girlfriend. It gave him somewhere else to direct his sexual urges, and for that at least Haruka could be grateful. But she entirely loathed Mieru.

While she had seldom been raped since Mieru had first walked into her father's life, the level of abuse Haruka took had sharply increased. She was not sure why the woman hated her so much — perhaps because she saw Haruka as an obstacle to be done away with — but Mieru seemed to go out of her way to find reasons to pit father against daughter. And with two people to corner her and keep an eye on her, it was exponentially harder for Haruka to slip away when the situation looked bad.

The first thing Mieru had been sure to do as soon as Hashira had given her a key to the apartment was to remove all traces of Shinyuuki that were still left behind. Haruka had managed to hide the picture of herself and her mother in the park before the woman found it. Now only that and the piano still remained. Mieru was constantly bitching about that piano, but Hashira always put off getting rid of it, saying he did not want to mess with the hassle of having it hauled out. Haruka hoped that for just once, Mieru would not win. Even now, the woman wouldn't let Haruka play it when she was around. The girl had to find time when she was alone in the apartment, which was getting harder as she tried to avoid coming home due to the fact that her father's young, beautiful girlfriend hung about more and more frequently.

When Hashira had first come home with his new girlfriend, Haruka had brushed it off. She was personally surprised it hadn't happened sooner. She'd never expected any sort of long-lasting loyalty to Shinyuuki from him. But she was growing increasingly uncomfortable around Mieru. Unlike most children in similar situations, she felt no invasion in her family life — what family ties did she hold? It had been quite a long time since she'd last felt the bonds of blood holding her to any relationship. And she did not feel uncomfortable with the idea of her father being with a woman other than her mother. For all she cared, he could fuck every girl from Kyoto to Osaka. If it took the attention away from her as a source from which to derive sexual pleasure, it was all the better. But Mieru... that woman posed a different story entirely. Haruka did not understand this feeling of dread that rose in the pit of her stomach every time her father's mistress walked into the room. As awful as Mieru was to the girl, Haruka was not particularly afraid of her. Still, she felt the need to avoid her presence at all costs. And it was only getting worse.

_"You little bitch! A fagot like you doesn't even deserve to be related to a man like him!"_ Mieru had an odd idea that Haruka was unworthy of being Hashira's daughter. Haruka had never seen herself as so low. She'd never really thought herself better than her father — in fact, she'd envisioned them on about the same level. She knew she wasn't worthy of Shinyuuki's love, and she knew that both she and Hashira had a fair share in destroying the woman. For this reason, she had not in reality thought so badly of her father for raping or beating her. She'd hated him for it, but she hardly felt she deserved better for what she was. An eleven-year-old dyke spawned purely by mistake, no purpose or lot in life to justify her existence, no one to love her or receive her love. She had never earned such a thing as love, an idea so high and pure that she did not even dare to dream of it. Anymore.

One thing about Mieru was that she knew more about Haruka than the child's own father did. Hashira had never figured out that his daughter was gay, never knew of her grades or behavior in school, never knew what she was really like when he wasn't around or, honestly, when he was around. Mieru knew. Mostly because she pried it out of the girl. Hashira never even talked to her, really. So Mieru seemed to think that Haruka's whole life was blackmail material. Haruka did not understand why. What did she care if her father knew everything? He didn't care, and if he did, what the hell was he going to do about it? But the woman still used the knowledge to put Haruka down whenever possible. The sad fact was that it was actually beginning to work as time went on. Haruka was able to cast off the things Mieru said for the most part, but for some reason she always felt low and no good — even more so than usual — whenever the woman was around. She hated that feeling. Even more than, though, she hated that it was Seirai Mieru who could make her feel that way. She could not stop kicking herself for that fact.

Stepping out of the shower, Haruka quickly got dressed and towel-dried her hair. She then went in search of her missing left sneaker. She silently hoped to God it hadn't somehow ended up in her father's room. Finally finding her shoe hidden halfway behind the bookshelf, she jerked it onto her foot and checked her watch. Still nearly an hour and a half until school. Making sure her key was in her pocket, Haruka decided to go out for a run.

Returning nearly an hour later, the girl eased open the door, her eyes darting around inside before she stepped in and softly pushed the door shut behind her, listening to the soft _click_ as it latched. She could still feel the wind in her hair, and she hated to give that feeling up to come back, but she had to retrieve her stuff to go to school.

Moving quietly to her bedroom, Haruka grabbed her bookbag and quickly scooted for the door. She almost made it, too.

"Hey, kid!" _Damn!_ Haruka mentally kicked herself for being too slow. "What do you think you're doing?"

Haruka turned to face Mieru, gritting her teeth to try to keep the scowl off her face. The woman was dressed in nothing but a loosely tied bathrobe, and she wore the same condescending look that always dominated her features whenever she looked at Haruka. "Just going to school. If you don't mind, I'll be on my pathetic way now."

The girl turned quickly, but unfortunately, she could not escape so easily. Maybe in her dreams. "With your grades, you might as well not go."

"My grades are fine, thank you very much. Probably better than yours were."

Mieru laughed. "At least I didn't waste my time making out with little _girls_ in my class." She spat out the words, as though Haruka was not good enough to waste her breath on.

All this time, Haruka continued slowly backing toward the door, knowing better than to leave openly. "I haven't kissed a girl in about a year and a half. Of course, unlike you at my age, _I_ haven't slept with every boy in my class."

Mieru turned red from rage and humiliation. She grabbed Haruka's wrist roughly, jerking the girl back toward her. "_What_ did you say, you little dyke?"

"Let go of me, bitch!" Mieru grabbed Haruka by the hair and threw the child against the nearest wall. Haruka immediately retaliated, swinging her fist hard at the woman's face. The blow would have been enough to knock loose a few of the woman's perfect teeth, but Hashira caught the girl's arm, hitting her hard in the chest and knocking the wind out of her.

Ignoring the pain, Haruka immediately bolted to her feet and made a break for it. Once she had made it out of the building — by that time, she was usually sure no one was following her — she doubled over, gasping for breath.

Haruka swore under her breath. She hated running away like that, like a damn coward. But she could not hope to take on her father. Given half a chance, she knew she could hospitalize Mieru. But Hashira would beat the living shit out of her. She stood no chance. As much as she'd grown over the years, he was still too strong.

Cursing the whole way to school, Haruka found her way to her desk and shut up for the rest of the day, blocking out her teacher and her classmates and anything else that threatened to intrude her far-less-than-perfect world within. No one dared approach her that day, not for any reason. Even the school staff steered clear, as much as they enjoyed their annoying habit of trying to intervene in Haruka's life as though they had a magical ability to fix her problems. They knew her personality well enough by now to know when it was simply idiotic to try working with her.

Haruka did not particularly want to return home after school, not after what had happened that morning, so she wandered around for hours aimlessly. She'd gone to the garage almost immediately after being released from class, but after it closed, she was without anywhere to go.

Climbing to the roof of her apartment building, Haruka made it just in time to watch the sunset. No one else ever went up there, so she did not have to worry about being found. The light evening breeze made her feel a little better, even after such a day. Sighing, she dropped her bookbag on the floor and lay down with her head resting on it like a pillow. Not the most comfortable of sleeping arrangements, but she did not mind. Anything was better than returning home to Hashira and Mieru. At least when it was Hashira alone, Haruka knew what to expect. And she supposed that, despite everything, she had felt some kind of loyalty to him for fathering her. But she owed nothing at all to Mieru, and she could never trust or predict the woman. Sometimes it simply was not worth the hell just to go back home.

Forgetting the dropping temperatures that came with the swiftly approaching night, Haruka allowed her mind to wander to nonexistent worlds where she knew she could feel at home. They weren't nearly as perfect as those she had imagined as a child, but they were better than reality. And maybe, just maybe, there she would be able to meet the elusive girl from her dreams. By the time the twilight colors had faded into the deep night sky, Haruka had drifted away into a peaceful sleep.

* * * * *

The next morning, Haruka managed to sneak into her apartment to shower and eat breakfast without anyone noticing her presence. Though the time was far too early to head to school, she left as soon as she was finished, taking her bookbag with her so that she would have no need to return again that morning.

Trotting along aimlessly, Haruka allowed her mind to wander to the futility of her life in its current state. Ever since her mother had died when she was five, her childhood had been less than happy, but she had not minded it so much. Her father was a royal asshole, but she had taken his drunkenness and abuse in stride. There was absolutely no hope for him — he was always going to be irresponsible and undependable, would always be the same teenager who had gotten Ten'ou Shinyuuki pregnant and then neglected to care for either her or their child even after they were married, who later beat and raped his own daughter and could not stay sober for half a day if it meant his life — but at least his _intentions_ had never been to hurt anyone. Haruka couldn't begin to fathom what it was Mieru wanted. Maybe she was simply lonely and wanted a man to love her and saw Haruka as an obstacle to be removed. The child did not particularly care what her motives were. She just wanted the bitch out of her life. But the way things were going, it did not look like that was going to happen. Haruka could no longer go home.

There seemed to be no place for Haruka anymore. Home was hell. School held no joy except that it was away from her apartment and her father's demonic slut of a girlfriend. The only time she felt anything that could be called happiness was when she was around cars. Her driving skills had sharpened quite a bit, and she learned more about cars every day. They had become her life. But there was nothing else to sustain her. All she could think was that things could not go on this way forever. Something would have to snap.

When it was finally time for school to start, Haruka went straight to her seat and dropped her head onto the desk with a thud. "You look like hell," came a voice from just in front of the tomboy. She lifted her head just enough to see who was speaking to her.

"Oh, it's you again."

Keiji grinned dorkily and dropped into the seat right in front of hers. "Yau. You look like you've been having a rough day already, and first class hasn't even started."

"Don't you have anyone better to annoy?"

"You know, I told my dad about all the stuff you said," Keiji continued, ignoring her inquiry.

"So what?"

"He still things that all homos go to hell."

"If you think it's so bad, why are you still talking to me?"

"I didn't say I thought it was bad."

"Well, do you?"

"I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Even though I was pretty convinced by all you said before. But my daddy still says you're a sinful little girl and should get your life on the right track before it's too late."

"Tell him he can kiss my ass," she replied irritably.

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Nani?"

"Yeah. You had me pretty convinced before. Tell him all that stuff about just being how you were made, and he might actually change his mind."

Haruka shook her head, slumping back in her seat. "I don't think so, Keiji-kun. I can't change his mind. I can't change anything. Besides, he sounds pretty damn firm in his opinion to me."

"Yes you can."

"What?"

"You can change things." Haruka stared at Keiji for a long time, and he stared steadily back.

After quite a while of silence, Haruka finally laughed. "You know, you're not so bad."

"I was thinking the same thing about you. I hope Otou-san is wrong and you're not going to hell."

Haruka chuckled softly. "Well, if I believed in heaven and hell, I doubt I would be going anywhere else."

Keiji blinked. "Do you think you're really that bad?"

"I don't deserve anything better."

The boy was silent for a long time, just staring at Haruka. It was starting to unnerve her. She wished he would either speak or look away. Or, better yet, _go_ away. "Haruka-san, do your parents believe in God?"

"My dad sure as hell doesn't. My mother never talked about God. I think it was because of her parents."

"Were they atheists or something?"

"No, the opposite. They were ardent Christians. But when Mama got pregnant, they practically renounced her as a daughter. I only met them once, and I don't care to see them again. Ever."

"Don't you ever miss not having grandparents around?"

"No," Haruka replied simply. "Family means nothing to me anymore."

"Nothing?"

Haruka sat silently for a long period of time. She had no family left except her father and two grandparents she never saw. How could they mean anything to her? Blood or not, all ties she'd had with anyone had been cut.

"Nothing." However, whatever she managed to say, Haruka knew that she missed the warm feeling of family. She missed her mother and her uncle, even if she could not shed tears for them. Her resolve to let go of what was gone still could not entirely erase them. In fact, it did not erase these feelings at all but simply buried them beneath a rough, arrogant exterior and a stubborn focus on the present.

"But you seem mad at your grandparents for how they treated your mom. Doesn't she still mean anything to you?"

Haruka paused, an idea suddenly running through her head. "Would you like to meet my mother?"

Keiji nodded immediately in response. "Yes, I would."

* * * * *

A soft wind rustled the leaves of the few trees that surrounded the pair. Keiji pushed up his glasses farther on his nose as he knelt down in front of the stone. "I'm sorry, Haruka-san," he said quietly, for once not behaving like his usual annoying, painfully blunt self. "How long has it been?"

"About six years. Or nearly. My uncle died in a car accident not long after, and I've been on my own ever since."

"What happened to your father?"

"He's still around. I wouldn't say that accounts for much, though."

"Why is your name different from hers?" Keiji pointed to the words TEN'OU SHINYUUKI engraved on stone.

"She changed her name to Shujinkou when she and Papa got married. Ten'ou was her maiden name. I thought she should be remembered as who she really was, not as my father's wife. Kazekage agreed with that, so we had Ten'ou put on her gravestone."

"Who's Kazekage?"

"My uncle."

"The one who died?" Haruka nodded. "Man, I don't think I could take it."

"It's not so bad anymore. That's just the way life is. It's one of the reasons I never believed in God."

"Why's that?"

Haruka's face portrayed utter seriousness as she looked down at her mother's grave. "That innocent people should have to suffer the way they did."

"Like you've suffered?"

"No. I'm sure that I deserve everything I got. But Mama didn't deserve any of it, not one little bit. And neither did Kage. They should have gotten to be happy."

Slowly, Keiji rose to his feet. "I'd better get home, Haruka-san. My parents will probably already be worried about me."

"See you later, Keiji-kun."

He waved as he started off. "I'll see you at school." Haruka watched him go for a moment before turning back to Shinyuuki's gravestone. She felt a wave of pain flood through her as she saw the young woman's face once again, could almost feel her embrace. Lowering her head, Haruka turned away and walked off, leaving the peaceful grave behind.

* * * * *

Haruka leaned against the outside wall of the garage, staring off at the horizon. After a few minutes, Mairu came out to join her, opening the can of beer in his hand. "Nice sky tonight?" he asked, looking down at her with a friendly smile.

The girl glanced briefly at his beer before turning her eyes back out toward the distance. "What, none for me?"

Mairu held out another can. "Soda for you."

"Poor substitute," she replied, taking the can from him.

"So what ya thinkin' about?"

"Life."

Mairu chuckled softly. "Well, I'm really not around kids much. Is that normal for an eleven-year-old?"

"Twelve now."

"Oh, sorry, Haruka-chan. You're growin' up too fast on me. Too fast for all of us. Still seems like last week you were helping out Kaze with the cars. Now you're practically a young lady."

"I don't care how old I am. Age never stopped anything from happening to me and never could stop me from doing anything."

"That's a good attitude to have, Haruka-chan. Keep that up, you can do anything."

"All I want is to race."

"You will, kid. You're well on your way already. You've got the feel for it, you know what I mean? I've never seen anyone with so much talent for the sport, and at your age… If you don't give up, you'll get there for sure."

"I won't give up," Haruka said before draining her drink and crushing the can in her hand. "I've got nothing else left. See you later, Mairu-san."

With that, the girl started off toward home, leaving Mairu to stare off after her. With a sigh, he took another long drink of his beer before walking back into the garage to lock up.

* * * * *

Dreams tormented Haruka. Her sense of peacelessness carried over even into her sleep, and she found no rest in either reality or her own imagination. In truth, she preferred the reality. At least when awake, she could anticipate a distant time when the stars themselves did not ravage her existence, when her waking and sleeping hours weren't as a living hell. A time she would achieve for herself. She needed no one else to bring happiness to her. Nothing but her will alone.

"Mama…" the girl whispered into the dark. She had been dreaming more often of her mother since she'd revisited Shinyuuki's grave. Haruka grew increasingly unnerved. She survived by forgetting what she'd lost long ago.

Slowly, Haruka opened her eyes. Sitting up in bed, she shook her head to clear it, succeeding well enough to get up and dressed efficiently. Checking the clock, she saw that she had a while before she needed to get to school. Since she could hear Mieru moving about inside the apartment, she did not want to risk leaving just yet. Haruka realized with disgust how much she went through just to avoid the woman.

Sitting down against the wall, Haruka started thinking about the way her life had been going. The more time went on, the more she felt that things could not remain as they were. The life she'd maintained since her mother had died so many years before was quickly deteriorating. She was unsure how much more of it she could stand.

Out of nowhere, the absurdity of the girl's current situation suddenly struck her hard. Why did she need to stay and endure this demented form of hell on Earth? She had stopped needing her father long ago. By this age, she should be able to take care of herself.

But did that warrant simply leaving? If she did try to go, would it work? It might not take very long for the authorities to put her back in the custody of her father or in an orphanage or foster home. And one failed attempt would surely land her in an unending cycle. From then on, she could kiss the freedom of being alone goodbye. She had grown used to functioning on her own with no one to answer to or worry about. No one had any expectations of her, so she could set her mind to things that were important. No one tried to control her or reprimanded her actions or lifestyle, and so she had grown into an individual person much faster than other children her age.

But she was _alone_….

Standing up, Haruka moved to her dresser and slid open one of the drawers, digging through the contents inside. She decided it was about time she stopped sitting around, waiting for the future to come of its own volition. Whatever was out there for her, she would have to achieve it on her own. She could no longer stay tied down in this place because it was her "home" or because Hashira was her only family left or some other equally meaningless excuse. It was time to leave those notions behind for good. When the time came, she had to be fully prepared to let go.

Finally, Haruka took a framed picture from the drawer. Wiping away the dust that still remained, she stared at it for a long time. The glass was cracked, having never been fixed from when she'd broken it on her sixth birthday. It amazed her to think she had once been the little girl in that picture, had once been happy, had once been loved. That life was far gone, and Haruka of all people knew that the past did not come back. She had accepted this while most children were still dreaming of knights and fairies and happily-ever-afters.

Going to her closet, Haruka took out her old bookbag. She had gotten her current one two years before, when her schoolbooks and other supplies had become too much to fit into this one. It was worn, and one of the straps was broken, but it was otherwise still good. Stuffing spare clothes into the bag, Haruka then slid the photograph in between them where it would not get damaged.

The front door suddenly slammed, making Haruka jump. She listened for several minutes, but she could hear nothing. Apparently, Hashira and Mieru had gone. Finally emerging from her room, Haruka made her way into the kitchen. After throwing some non-perishable food items into the bookbag, she made herself breakfast.

Checking the clock, Haruka saw that it was time for her to leave for school. She went back to her room and shoved the bookbag under her bed. She then grabbed her school stuff and headed out.

As she was walking, Haruka began to truly think about what she had done. She really wondered if she'd needed to take the precaution. Would she really need to use the bag? Perhaps only in desperate circumstances. The problem was she did not know when things would get desperate. Every turn was dark. She could never predict what was coming.

"Haruka-san!"

The girl half-turned to see Keiji waving wildly, running to catch up with her. Despite herself, Haruka could not help but laugh, shaking her head. _What a dork._ "Konnichi, Keiji-kun. You look like you're in a hurry."

Keiji was out of breath by the time he reached her. Haruka had to suppress the urge to laugh hysterically, knowing it would do little for the boy's self-esteem. "I… had to be… in a… hurry to catch you, Haruka-san," he gasped out.

"Well, I think you should slow down before you hurt yourself."

Keiji laughed as he straightened his posture. "I didn't know you worried about other people, Haruka-san."

"I don't," she replied as she continued walking, Keiji at her side. "I couldn't give a damn. But it doesn't mean I can't offer you some friendly advice."

"Does that mean we're friends?"

"I don't know. I've never had one before."

"Never?"

"Not once in my life. Unless you count my uncle."

"Family doesn't count as friends."

"Then no, I haven't."

There was a short pause, and Keiji continued, "If we're friends, can I call you Haruka-chan?"

Haruka thought about it for a moment before answering, "No."

Keiji looked at her, somewhat hurt. "Doushite?"

"Because. You don't need to be getting attached to me."

"But… we're friends, right?"

Haruka did not look at him, only straight ahead. "I don't know how long things are going to last."

Keiji suddenly blushed a bit, averting his eyes slightly. "Haruka-san, would you be my girlfriend?"

At the abrupt query, Haruka nearly tripped over her feet. She looked down at Keiji, shock evident in her features. "W…_ what_?"

The boy blushed even redder. He shrugged innocently. Too innocently. He was really nothing like Haruka. She felt lonelier at the thought. "I don't know why…. I just never knew anyone like you before."

Haruka finally regained her senses and buried any lingering surprise or confusion. "No, Keiji-kun, I won't." Keiji's face fell. He was about to speak, but Haruka cut him off. "For one thing, I'm not attracted to boys like that. It wouldn't be right. And it's not fair to you."

"I don't care if it's fair, Haruka-san."

"You're a strange kid. Just be happy I said no. You don't wanna get dragged into a life like mine." The two arrived at school just in time for class. No words passed between them for the rest of the day.

Later that afternoon, Haruka sat alone by the fence once again. Keiji had been held back in the classroom to finish an assignment. She was actually glad he was not there. It was somewhat of a nice feeling, she supposed, having an acquaintance — perhaps even a friend, as he said — but she wanted her own time to think as well. A loner by nature, she was not incredibly fond of the idea of having someone around her all the time.

Haruka barely even looked up when she heard raised voices. But she did look up — had she not, she would not have been able to catch sight of Tozasu shouting at Yuuwa, who tried desperately to defend herself, tears standing out in her midnight blue eyes. The scene caught Haruka's attention, and she quickly rose to her feet. It was just then that Tozasu's temper finally shattered, and he struck Yuuwa hard across the face with the back of his hand. The girl's head snapped to the side, and her hand shot to her cheek, her mouth open in pain and shock. Only an instant passed after the resounding _crack_.

With an enraged cry, Haruka tackled the boy to the ground. He'd never seen her coming, even from the distance she'd had to run, which she had covered in record time even for her. With a yelp of surprise, Tozasu fell under her blows, but it did not take him long to fight back.

Haruka was good at fighting — she always had been — but it was true that she'd never fought as tough an opponent as Tozasu. Still, for some reason she found this fight particularly easy to master. By the time she calmed enough to restrain her fists, he was practically crying for mercy. Her face set in anger, Haruka dragged him out of the dirt and to his feet.

"If you _ever_ touch her again, I will personally hospitalize you." With that, she let go of his shirt, and Tozasu ran off as fast as his legs would carry him, screaming something back about a damned fagot out of her fucking head, but Haruka ignored him. Instead, she walked over and held out a hand to Yuuwa to help her up. The girl had fallen down, stunned, at some point during the fight. Still trembling from shock and fear, she took Haruka's hand hesitantly, allowing herself to be pulled gently to her feet.

Yuuwa opened her mouth to speak, but nothing issued forth. She wanted to thank Haruka. She wanted to say so very much. But instead all she could manage was a quiet "Haruka-kun…"

Haruka forced a smile, brushing some of Yuuwa's beautiful red hair from her face. "You know, you really are shit at picking boyfriends."

At first, Yuuwa was shocked by the comment, but then she could not help but laugh softly.

Leaning forward, Haruka kissed the girl gently on the forehead. "Be careful who you put your trust in," she said softly. "Someday you'll find someone who'll love you for the rest of your life. That's what you deserve."

Yuuwa caught her cue to walk away, to forget about her past and go on toward a bright and happy future. But somehow, she could not. "I wish…" The girl drew a slow breath before smiling sadly. "I really wish things had been different."

"Most people waste their time on wishing. Don't. There's so much more you can do without it."

Hakaru Yuuwa's eyes burned with nothing but the purest honesty. "Don't think I didn't care about you, Haruka-kun. I always have. Even now, I still do."

Haruka smiled at the girl. Time had lent to her beauty. As she neared the threshold of early womanhood, she grew more becoming.

"I know all that, Yuuwa-san. But this was never meant to work out. I care for you more than anybody since my mother and my uncle died. But you know, I don't think this is love. When you find someone you love, you'll know. And whether they end up being a guy or a girl, you won't have any hesitation. So there's no sense in dwelling on the past, right?"

Yuuwa managed a smile, tears glittering in her eyes. She reached up a hand and stroked Haruka's cheek gently, a move that surprised the tomboy quite a bit. Though the surprise was nothing when compared to that she felt when the girl leaned forward and kissed her softly yet passionately on the lips.

Drawing back, Yuuwa said quietly, "One more memory to not dwell on. Goodbye, Shujinkou Haruka." With that, she turned and walked away. Walked off toward her own future.


	5. Sora no Kami

**AN: So this is the last bit. Thanks a lot to all my reviewers--I hope to hear what you think of the completed piece. I also hope not to disappoint.^_^**

Part IV:

_Sora no Kami_

Haruka's fingers danced skillfully across the piano keys. When she closed her eyes, she could almost hear Shinyuuki humming along to the notes. And she smiled like she had when she was a child. So lost was she in her own realm, she did not even register the sound of the front door.

Moments later, a hand grabbed Haruka's shirt from behind and dragged her backward off the piano bench. Her eyes snapped open in surprise just before she fell hard to the floor. Mieru slammed the cover down over the keys before glaring down at Haruka. "I told you, I don't want you in this room. Now get out, you little shit!"

Haruka did not even bother to argue back. She simply took her opportunity and fled to the safety of her own room with the door shut firmly behind her as quickly as possible. _God, what have I become? _the girl thought to herself as her face burned in shame. She did not even _stand up_ for herself against Mieru anymore.

Shouting could be heard throughout the apartment for hours following. Mieru was bitching about the piano again, the one battle so far she'd been unable to win. And she'd been throwing every curve available to her, some lower than Haruka would have ever dared.

The bottom line, quite frankly, was jealousy. Mieru was jealous of a woman who'd been dead for a half dozen years.

"Even after all this time, you still won't get rid of that damn piano! No one ever uses it except that little dipshit…"

"You leave Haruka out of this!" Haruka could tell by Hashira's voice that, for once, he was actually sober. It was hard to tell yet if that would make things better or worse.

"You're still clinging to it, Hashira! You still haven't forgotten her, have you? _Have you_?"

Haruka felt her breath catch in her throat as she waited for her father's response, time seeming to slow as if deliberately to keep her hanging over the precipice. "No, I haven't! Are you happy?" the man yelled.

Haruka's jaw dropped. She found herself caught somewhere between disbelief and reality, which for a rare moment were not on the same side. It had always seemed to her before as if Hashira had forgotten about Shinyuuki before she was even gone. All this time… what had he really been feeling?

"I can't believe it — you can't get over a woman that's been _dead_ for years, Hashira! You weren't even sober for her funeral!"

"Shut the hell up!"

"Do you still love her?"

"Yes! I always have!"

As she listened, Haruka's heart nearly stopped. _It's not that I didn't care about your mother__….__ We were just never meant to be together._ She slid down her bedroom door silently, dropping her head to her knees. Now she knew. But… why, then? Why had he done the things that he'd done? It made no sense to Haruka. In truth, she almost wished she didn't know. Whenever she learned more about her father's real feelings, it only brought her more pain.

Mieru sounded as if she might burst into tears at any moment. Haruka thought she might throw up. "Well, if that's the case, Shujinkou, maybe I should just _leave_."

"Dammit, don't do that, Mie. Yuuki's _dead _— what more do you want? She's not _in_ my life anymore — _you_ are."

"If you really thought that, that piano would have been gone long ago."

"Fine! If it's that important to you, I'll sell the damn piano!"

Haruka burst from her room. "No! Papa, you can't! Back off, bitch!"

"What did you call me, you little asswipe?" Mieru hissed at the girl.

"Haruka-chan, go back to your room," Hashira said firmly.

"No! I want _you_" — she glared menacingly at Mieru — "to get out of my _home_!"

Mieru's icy eyes promised death. "This may have _been_ your home, but now you answer to _me_."

"I don't have to answer to anyone! _Especially_ not you. It's not like you're my mother or anything!"

"Any woman would be ashamed to be your mother." Though Mieru could never have known it, the words cut deep. Most things she said never made a scrap of difference to Haruka really, but with one statement she had voiced the girl's deepest fears and regrets. She'd always believed she could never be good enough for someone so pure and perfect as Shinyuuki, so she hadn't tried. But to think of how her mother would actually see her now if she were still alive…

Haruka did not hear the words that Mieru spat at her like venom. She felt a hand shove her chest, and a moment later her numb body struck the ground. Still, she had no desire to get up. Even the sound of Mieru laughing at her was not enough incentive to make her angry. She would as soon just have died right there. Until, somewhere in the distance, she heard the woman say, "I suppose little girls really do take after their mothers."

With an unintelligible cry, Haruka sprang forward like an animal. She wanted to beat Mieru until the woman could cry no more. She wanted to kill her. As far as she was concerned, Mieru had gone too far. Haruka didn't give a damn what shots the bitch took at her. But she would die to defend Shinyuuki.

However, before Haruka could reach her target, a strong arm reached across her shoulders, holding her back. She tried to duck under it, but Hashira gripped her sleeve tightly so that she could not get away. Her face etched with rage, Mieru walked forward and drew back her hand to strike Haruka. The girl closed her eyes and waited for the blow, which she would take without crying out — she would never give Mieru that sort of satisfaction — but it never came. Surprised, she opened her eyes again.

Mieru wore a look of shock on her face as she stared at Hashira. The man had caught her wrist before she could complete her swing and now held her arm tightly. "If you touch her again, I'll give you bruises like you've never had before." His voice was steady, his eyes promising the words he'd spoken. Both Haruka and Mieru were left speechless.

Closing her mouth tightly, Mieru jerked her hand free and stormed out of the apartment. Without looking at Haruka, who was still at a loss for words, Hashira walked into his bedroom and shut the door. He did not come out for the rest of the night.

Haruka went to bed after she'd had time to recover from the shock of the night's events, but she could not sleep. She kept remembering her father's words. He'd said so many things that night that had shaken all she'd previously believed about him. And then… he'd protected her.

Haruka thought about the bookbag tucked entirely unknown under her bed. Perhaps she would not have to use it after all. She thought of the man who had been revealed to her that night, a man she was finally beginning to see as the father she'd grown up without. Smiling, she closed her eyes, allowing a peaceful sleep to drift up to take her.

* * * * *

When Haruka woke, she found her father gone. That was not strange — he worked seven days a week. Since it was Sunday, he would get off earlier, but to him that just meant more time to spend at the bars. Haruka, however, had the entire day off to do as she pleased. And considering the events of the previous day, she was in a particularly good mood that morning.

After getting dressed, Haruka sat down on the couch and flipped on the television.

The wind outside blew softly, just enough to tousle hair and send a few light pieces of trash tumbling through the street. Haruka looked up at the sun overhead. It was barely early afternoon.

Without a particular direction, Haruka began running. She usually ran to get away from reality, to disappear into the wind, to leave behind anything and everything. But now she ran because she felt like it. Because she wanted to. Just for the hell of it.

It was mid-afternoon when Haruka leaned casually over the railing of the bridge. She'd been there so many times before. The wind was always good in that particular spot. And it was… peaceful somehow. As if it were isolated from the rest of the world, and in this place, nothing else could exist. For an instant, she almost felt once again as though she could fly away.

Haruka still remembered the day she'd been at this very bridge with her mother when she was only five years old. She remembered it as if it had been yesterday. Slowly, she allowed a smile to break across her face, cracking the bitterness stored in her heart. Maybe she really could just let it all go. She was still only twelve years old — plenty of time to start over.

"Haruka-san!"

The girl blinked in surprise as the boy ran up to her. "Keiji-kun, konnichi wa. What are you doing here?"

"Just taking a walk, and I saw you out here. What about you?"

"Went out for a run, ended up here. I like this place. I like the wind."

Keiji blinked. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you like wind?"

Haruka paused, pondering the idea. "I don't know. It's always made me feel better, made me feel at home. No matter what. Almost like it can understand me… and I can understand it." She laughed. "It sounds crazy, but I used to believe I could fly."

"Fly?"

"Yeah. That the wind would carry me away to paradise. And there'd be no more pain." Haruka swallowed as she looked down at her feet, stepping away from the railing. "I'd better go."

As she started walking away, Keiji called after her, "Sayonara, Haruka-san."

Stopping, Haruka looked back over her shoulder. "You know what, Keiji-kun? I think I changed my mind."

"About what?"

"You can call me Haruka-chan if you want. Ja." Turning, she walked toward her home without looking back again.

* * * * *

Haruka allowed the door to swing shut behind her as she walked into the apartment. But she stopped dead as soon as she saw who was sitting on the couch. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

"Now, that's an odd question, child," Mieru said with an amused, somewhat sadistic laugh. "I practically _live_ here."

Haruka backed up a few steps, shaking her head. "P… Papa?"

"Shut up your whinin', Haruka-chan," Hashira growled as he staggered out of the bedroom. His speech was slurred. It was obvious that he'd had quite a bit to drink already, even though he was home fairly early. Haruka knew that could not be good.

"We finally came to an arrangement about that damn piano of your mother's." There was just a bit too much joy in Mieru's voice. Haruka could hardly stand it.

"You bitch! I'm gonna…" The girl launched herself forward, fully prepared to strangle Mieru until the woman stopped breathing, but Hashira caught her shirt collar and tossed her back against the wall. With a grunt, Haruka fell to the floor.

"That's no way to speak to your new mother," the man scolded.

Haruka growled under her breath, glaring up at the two adults. "What the _hell_?"

Mieru grinned mockingly at the girl and held up her left hand. Adorning it was a brand new ring. The ring was not expensive or anything special, but that was beyond the point. Haruka had to resist the urge to spat on it. "You'll never be my new mother, you hussy baisu!"

"That's not the point," the woman replied, casually casting off the evil glares she received from her future stepdaughter. "But anyway, I'll be a better wife than your precious Yuuki. Then again, she wouldn't be hard to top in anything."

Screaming in rage, Haruka leapt at Mieru, decking her hard across the face before anyone could even react. The woman cried out. Haruka pulled back her fist to strike again and again, but despite how drunk her father was, he was still unexpectedly fast. Grabbing the girl's arm, he hauled her over the back of the couch, throwing her to the floor. He then kicked her hard in the ribs. She gritted her teeth to keep from crying out.

Hashira backed off, leaving Haruka where she lay on the floor, clutching her side. The girl gasped for breath, trying to fight down the pain. Still, she managed to glare angrily up at Mieru and to choke out the words: "Go to hell, bitch!"

Mieru merely laughed. "Hell? You sicken me, child. Hashira, let's show her what _hell_ is." Haruka did not know that look in Mieru's eye, but she was instantly afraid.

The girl tried to get away before she got caught in whatever this hell of Mieru's might be, but her father grabbed her around the shoulders and pulled her back.

"No! Let go of me! Kuso!" Haruka might have been able to beat up anyone in her school, and she could certainly make Seirai Mieru sorry she had been born. But after all these years, Hashira was still stronger, and Haruka knew that she never stood a chance in either heaven or hell, much less in reality.

As she struggled to escape, Haruka noticed her father's fiancé sitting casually on the couch, reading a magazine of some sort. The bitch wasn't even at all concerned with what was happening. Haruka would almost think she was _enjoying_ it.

Haruka hit the floor hard with a cry. Already she was bleeding from her nose and her mouth, and a wracking cough added yet another spat of blood to the growing list. She was sure that the bruises she'd have later would be like nothing she had felt before. Grabbing her by the waist of her pants, Hashira hauled the girl to her feet again. She had not seen him so angry in years. And the alcohol certainly did not help a bit….

Hashira lowered his face to her ear, softly whispering, "This is what happens to bad little girls who don't have respect for their parents." He grabbed the back of her shirt with both hands, ripping the cloth clear from her body. Haruka fell to her knees. She tried to throw a punch at her father, but he avoided the blow and backhanded her across the face. He grabbed the girl by the hair on the back of her head and hauled her to her feet again, pulling her close to him despite her efforts to fight her way free. It was then that she felt his strong hands shove down into her pants and between her legs. Haruka cried out. The red of pain filled her vision. She felt almost as if she might pass out. In that instant she knew absolutely that she could not take any more — not ever. Ever again.

Wrenching her head around, Haruka clamped her father's arm between her teeth and bit down as hard as she could. Never had she fought so low and dirty in all her life, but at that point, she did not give a damn. Hashira yelled and pulled his arm away. It was then that Haruka saw her chance. Bringing back her fist, she let fly a punch more powerful than any she'd dealt before. Mieru cried out as Hashira fell to the floor, dizzy from the blow and the alcohol. Haruka started kicking as hard as she could into his ribs, never pausing for an instant. Before this could go on very long, however, Mieru seized the girl's arm and jerked her away from the man before dropping worriedly to his side. Rather than fighting back, Haruka turned and ran to her bedroom.

Dropping to her knees by her bed, the girl quickly pulled the bookbag she had packed for just such a situation from underneath it.

So she had finally reached the moment she'd been anticipating… and, in truth, dreading.

Hashira was on his feet again and angrier than ever by the time Haruka bolted back out of her bedroom. He tried to catch her, but she was too quick for him. Within seconds, she was out of the apartment and running for all she was worth. She'd left the door open behind her, but never once did she look back to see if anyone gave pursuit.

By the time she reached the street, Haruka could feel the dizziness resulting from pain intensify. She dropped to her knees unwillingly as the world around her began to spin. Still, she willed herself to remain conscious and even managed to force herself back to her feet. As her vision cleared, Haruka recognized the basketball court she had played on since childhood. Someone had even left a ball behind. They must have forgotten it.

Anger welling inside of her, Haruka kicked the basketball as hard as she could. It bounced off a brick wall, the sound echoing throughout the street. But Haruka was already running again, running as fast and as far as her weak legs would take her. Running for her life and her sanity — everything. Running with no intention of turning back.

Haruka had run clear out of the city before she finally collapsed. She did not know where she was. She didn't give a shit. As long as she was as far away as possible. As long as she could not be found — _ever_. As long as…

Darkness swirled around the girl, threatening to take hold. Eventually, she could resist its thrall no longer, and she passed out.

* * * * *

Haruka woke with a pounding headache. At first, she did not know where she was or how she had gotten there. The road was only meters away, and she found herself lying under a grove of trees lining the side of it. It was then that she remembered everything. A jolt of pain seized her body. Every hit, every kick, every hurt… she felt it all afresh again, as if Hashira were right there, dealing the blows for a second time, only all at once.

The girl nearly passed out again, but she managed to hold on to consciousness by a thread. When she came to her senses enough to focus her vision once more, she saw her bookbag lying next to her. Sitting up, she opened it and pulled out a T-shirt. Having run out so fast the night before, she had not taken the time to stop and put a shirt on to replace the one her father had ripped off. Sliding the shirt over her head, she winced as her bruises seared in protest.

Lying down on the ground again, Haruka willed her head to stop spinning. She had not been so out of it since her sixth birthday….

Haruka jumped as a car whipped by on the highway. With so many other things occupying her mind, she had given no thought to where she was.

At that moment, Haruka found herself in a dilemma. She obviously could not go home, and even if she could, she would never return to that place again. She was past the point of returning out of obligation or habit or anything else. She would not go back. So that meant leaving Kyoto for good, leaving the place she'd grown up in and the only place she'd ever known. Not that she was about to cling to the sentiment of the situation. The unknown loomed over her, and she had no idea what was in store. But it had come time for her to move on.

The question then presented itself of where to go. And what to do next. Before she could go anywhere, she needed to take a step.

Shaking her head to try to clear some of the dizziness, Haruka sat up again, picking up her bookbag and pawing through it. Pulling out a snack bar, she munched on it absently as she thought about her next move. Did it really matter, so long as she simply did not look back? Concluding that thinking was getting her absolutely nowhere, she got up and walked to the edge of the road. Looking up and down the highway, she carefully tried to figure out exactly where she might be. Kyoto lay to her right, which, judging roughly by the sun, was west. The road she was next to, for as far as she could see, stretched directly east to west. That meant there was only one way to go.

Squinting down the road toward Kyoto, Haruka watched for cars coming from the city. Whenever one passed by, she would hold up her thumb, hoping someone would stop. It was nearly an hour before anyone did.

Haruka slumped down in the back seat of the '82 Levin. In front of her sat a middle-aged man with a funny haircut, which she expected was some kind of failed attempt to disguise his receding hairline. But she did not really care, so long as he got her away from her home.

"Where you headin', son?" the man asked good-naturedly, glancing back at Haruka in the rearview mirror.

The girl shrugged, only half listening to him. Despite how long she'd been out, she could feel her body urging her to sleep. Closing her eyes, she suppressed a yawn as she replied, "Don't care. Just as long as you drop me off before you make a u-turn back toward Kyoto."

The man laughed. "Before a u-turn, eh? Well, you won't have to worry about that. I'm planning on heading straight all the way to Tokyo."

_Tokyo, huh?_ Haruka thought as she felt sleep creep up on her. _Doesn't sound like too bad an idea._ With a tiny smile, she let go of consciousness, welcoming the black willingly.

* * * * *

"Nothin' here," Genki said, kicking the trash bag aside. The boy was one of Haruka's comrades who she occasionally teamed up with out on the streets of Tokyo. Sometimes it was easier for a group of kids to stay alive and out of official custody when they were together. But when it came down to survival of the fittest, they were all on their own. Few held any real loyalties to each other, and Haruka knew better than to trust her life in anyone else's hands. "Find anything, Haruka-kun?" The girl shook her head in response as she ripped open another trash bag.

Just then, out of nowhere, Noku, another one of their companions, came tearing around a corner. "Run, guys! There's at least two cops right on my tail!" Everyone in the alleyway, the total amounting to Haruka and four boys, immediately dropped everything and took off. Most scattered in different directions, everyone for himself.

Noku ended up just behind Haruka. "What'd you do this time?" she yelled angrily over her shoulder. The boy looked pale and frankly terrified. Haruka was afraid he might be sick.

"I got caught trying to steal some lady's wallet," he groaned in response.

"Dammit, if you're going to pickpocket, either learn how to do it better or run in a direction that's _away_ from the rest of us!"

"I'm _sorry_, Haruka-kun! I'd like to see _you_ do better!"

"Nah, I'm not much of a pickpocket, but I can sure as hell run faster than you." With that, she swiftly pulled away from the boy, leaving him screaming in her dust.

"Hey, you can't just leave me here!"

"I almost hope they do catch you!"

"You can't be serious!" he wailed.

Noku was still shouting after her as she disappeared from sight. He sounded as if he might be crying. Haruka rolled her eyes in disgust. What seemed like far too long later — Noku really _was_ slow — the boy came running around a corner. Haruka snagged him by the collar of his jacket and yanked him through the open doorway, quickly shutting it behind them. Cutting through the old abandoned building, they reversed their direction, which would hopefully throw off the cops' search.

"How close were they?" Haruka asked when they had come out on the other side of the building and had already started running again.

"I don't know exactly. Couldn't've been far at all. They were right behind me!"

"They should've passed right after I got you inside. Hopefully it'll take long enough for them to realize they lost you that we'll be in the clear."

Haruka stood casually against a wall as Noku tried desperately to catch his breath. "Haruka-kun," he finally gasped when he had recovered enough to speak. "Why did you help me?"

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to. You're more of a wuss than I thought."

Noku smiled despite the insult. "Well, thanks anyway. You're a hell of a guy." Haruka nearly laughed at the statement. Even her friends — she supposed that was a good enough word to call them by — were unaware of her sexual identity. It was not that she minded being a girl — she never had and still did not. But it would not have taken a genius to know that it was easier to be a young boy than a young girl on the streets any day.

Haruka never regretted running away from her home in Kyoto. She'd rather be living alone on the street in the cold with too little food and danger around ever corner than be back with Hashira, Mieru's bridle directing him any way she wished. Here, she needed fear nothing, and life depended on only one factor — herself. She'd been in Tokyo little more than a month, and from where she found herself, there was nowhere to go but up.

* * * * *

The night sky was black, brightened only by the lights of the city. Virtually no stars could be seen, only a full moon shining down tauntingly on the Earth below. Haruka could have laughed at it.

A cold wind blew throughout the street. It was actually comforting to Haruka. The wind always was. She'd never understood why. She probably never would. It made her feel more at home — whatever that word might mean — despite its sub-freezing temperature. She'd quite frankly gotten used to the cold. The streets of Tokyo were always cold at night. And the depths of winter were approaching — it would only get worse.

"Tasukete! Somebody!" Haruka looked up as a small boy came tearing through the alleyway. "Help us! Please!"

"Matte!" Haruka stepped into the boy's path, holding out her arm to catch him by the shoulders. On instinct, the boy put his arms up to block her and ended up bouncing off her arm, falling to the ground with a cry. Haruka knelt down to help him to his feet again. "What's the matter, kid?"

The boy was trembling as he pointed down the street behind him. "M… my sister…"

Haruka heard a scream from nearby and immediately started toward it. "You stay there!" She could hear the boy crying behind her, but she ignored him. She had bigger problems to worry about at the moment.

There were three men, all twice Haruka's size at least. One was holding on to a teenage girl's sweater as she screamed and struggled to get away. She swung her purse at him, but he wrestled it away from her without much effort.

Of course, none of them ever saw Haruka coming. She was outnumbered and at an obvious physical disadvantage, but she was a good fighter. Running up on the first guy, she slammed her fist into the side of his skull before anyone had even turned to react to her swiftly approaching footsteps. As the first thug fell, the second quickly moved to avenge his comrade, while the third, still holding on to the frightened girl's sweater, just stood gaping at the child who had felled one of his companions and was engaged in a heated fistfight with the other.

Haruka ducked a swipe and brought her fist up into the man's ribs. As he cried out in pain, she kneed him in the gut and finished the fight with a flat-out punch to the face.

The third man, now thoroughly pissed off, let go of the teenager and menacingly approached Haruka, pulling a switchblade from his jacket pocket. The girl the thugs had been assaulting was too petrified to move, so she stood staring as Haruka and her last opponent circled each other.

The man lunged with the knife, swiping at Haruka so abruptly that she barely had time to move. The tomboy threw a swift roundhouse kick, using the momentum of her dodge to her advantage, and landed it on one side of his back. But with little more than a grunt of pain, the man whirled to face her and began circling again. It became obvious quite quickly that he was going to be much harder to take down than the other two had been, which was not encouraging considering that Haruka had had the element of surprise on her side at that time.

The man swore as he lunged again. This time, Haruka sidestepped, grabbing his wrist as she did so and wrenching his arm around hard. With a cry, his grip loosened, and the switchblade clattered to the ground. Haruka wasted no time in snatching it up and holding it offensively out in front of her. Unwilling to take the chance, the last thug ran off, and Haruka shook her head as she closed the switchblade and tossed it off to the side of the alleyway, where she heard it collide with a wall before she lost it in the shadows.

Sighing, Haruka turned back to the still trembling teenager, who appeared to be just regaining her wits. Not a bad looking girl, the tomboy noted subconsciously. "Are you all right?"

The girl nodded, swallowing hard to try to clear her throat. "Are… are you? I… You saved m… Arigatou."

"I told your brother to wait where I left him. We should probably go get him." The girl nodded silently and followed Haruka. They found the small boy curled up into a fetal position and crying like a baby. As soon as he saw his sister, he launched himself at her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist as though he might never let go.

"What were you two doing out here, anyway?" Haruka asked after the excitement of the reunion had tapered down a bit. "Don't you know how dangerous it can be at night?"

"We hadn't planned on being here at all," the teenager answered. "Our car broke down, and my boyfriend was trying to fix it when those guys tried to mug us. They knocked him out, and we were trying to get away when we ran in this direction."

"I don't think that was all they were trying to do," Haruka muttered. "Where's your car? I'll try and fix it for you."

Not long later, Haruka closed the hood of the car, wiping her hands on her blue jeans. "Thank you," the girl said happily, her face beaming. They had moved her unconscious boyfriend into the backseat a while ago, before Haruka had started working.

Haruka ignored the girl's thanks. "Do you know how to drive?" she asked bluntly.

The teenager shook her head. "I'm only fifteen."

Sighing, Haruka rubbed her forehead. "Do you know your way home from here?" She received a nod in response. At least the girl was not totally incompetent. "Good. Get in — I'll give you a ride home."

The teenager blinked. "But… you can't be more than thirteen years old. How can you know how to drive already?"

"Do you want to go home?" Haruka asked irritably. She received a subdued nod in response. "Then get in." The girl did as she was told. Fishing the keys out of her boyfriend's pocket, she gave them to Haruka and watched as the child started the car.

"By the way, I never asked your name," Haruka said softly as she drove toward the two siblings' home. She had to admit it felt incredibly refreshing to be driving again, even if she couldn't go anywhere near the speeds she was used to.

"Arata Ame," the girl replied. Her brother had fallen asleep a while ago. She introduced him as Shugi. Then, turning to look at Haruka, she smiled. "And you must be Wonderboy."

Haruka laughed. "No, not me. Just a punk kid off the streets who happens to know a thing or two about fistfights and cars."

"And who happens to have a good, pure heart," Ame said softly.

_You've got to be kidding me,_ Haruka thought to herself. Of all people who were pure-hearted in the world… Who would ever be dumb enough to think she fell into that category? "I don't think so."

The girl turned back to the window, staring out as Haruka drove in silence. "Will you at least tell me your name?"

"It's Haruka."

"What, no last name?"

"Don't need one."

Ame laughed. "Well, no, not if you plan on being a bum for the rest of your life. If you want to actually be somebody, you're going to need a last name."

When Haruka woke up the next morning, she still heard Ame's words echoing in her mind. _If you actually want to be somebody…_ Had she fallen so far that she had forgotten her ambitions?

"Get back here, you little punk!" Haruka's special talent for running had come in handy many times since she'd arrived in Tokyo. Especially when it involved obtaining food and other such necessities. No one — people she stole from, authorities, thugs, anybody — none of them could never catch her, no matter how fast they ran. And so she managed to stay alive.

"Wonderboy" the girl Arata Ame had called her. Aside from confusing her gender, which Haruka was long since used to, the teenager's words still bothered the young tomboy. She did not deserve them. So she had done one good deed. Big whoop. She had helped someone. It did not change who she was inside, nor could it, and there was nothing good there for her to brag about. But she did still have the dream.

Haruka could not get the feeling of the wheel under hands, the pedals beneath her feet, the sound of the engine pulsing all around her out of her head. It was like a drug. She missed driving. Everything in her life had been about motor sports up until recently, when it had all become survival. Perhaps it about was time to get a grip on her ambitions once again.

Putting the extra food into her backpack, Haruka continued walking until she came to a park she was not familiar with. The sun was already setting — it was getting late. "Too late…" she whispered to herself.

Suddenly, Haruka snapped back into reality. Where had _that_ come from? She did not know why she'd said it… it had just been this _feeling_…. Haruka suddenly began to wonder if she was going crazy.

A small bridge extended over one of the pathways in the park. The girl made herself comfortable underneath it, prepared to sleep for the night. As she was drifting away from consciousness, she noted to herself how nice it was in the park. She had grown accustomed to sleeping in doorways and narrow alleys and abandoned buildings. Here she could smell grass and flowers and hear the sound of water trickling through a nearby stream. And the wind was sweeter here… like a poem.

_Kaze ni nari tai…_

One day, Haruka thought to herself under that bridge as she drifted halfway between dreams and reality, she would stop running forever. She would find a place where even the wind could stop and simply smile. One day… her past would no longer matter, and on that day she would be free. Free to be who she was destined to become. Whoever she chose. Whatever she chose. And no one would tell her to do or be anything else. No barriers, no higher authority, no memories would hold her down. One day… the wind truly would carry her away.

* * * * *

A good dozen children and young teenagers huddled under the overhang, trying to keep out of the cold rain. Haruka stayed closer to the edge than the others. She didn't mind the storm. They needed the sheltered space more than she did.

A small boy no older than seven sat curled up in a ball behind Haruka, leaning against her for warmth. Still, no matter how he tried, he still shivered uncontrollably. Haruka barely knew the boy. Aside from his name — Sousuke — she did not know a thing about him.

"Haruka-kun," Sousuke whispered softly. "Do you ever get… homesick?"

"Iie," the girl answered honestly. It was obvious even without the boy's question that he badly wanted to go home, wherever that might have been. He might not have had a home anymore. One could never tell. Acquaintances on the streets came from all over and all kinds of different backgrounds.

"I miss my daddy," he whimpered softly.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. He went out driving one day and never came back. Do you think he went to heaven with my mommy and baby brother?" Haruka did not answer. "The policeman said they hadn't heard anything about him and never found our car, so they don't know. But he wouldn't just… leave me like that. Right?"

Haruka hesitated. She did not want to hurt the boy, but neither did she want to lie to him. "I never knew your father," Haruka replied finally, the best answer she could come up with. "Mine probably would have never thought twice about leaving and never coming back. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd just disappeared one day. But I disappeared first."

"Do you think he went looking for you?"

"Not likely. In fact, I would have been shocked if he did."

"Doesn't that make you sad?"

"No, it doesn't," she replied honestly. "We're probably both better off this way." The girl paused for a moment, the sound of the pattering rain filling the silence. "I'm sorry about your dad."

"I wish I could go back to like things were before. It's too cold out here. And I'm hungry. I don't think I'll ever be not hungry again."

Haruka remained silent. Her breath appeared before her as a white cloud of mist before dissipating into nothing to be followed by another. She could hear some of the children crying. Others slept. Some could do nothing but shiver from cold.

"What will you do when you get older, Haruka-kun?" Sousuke asked. "I don't want to be on the street for the rest of my life."

"I'm going to be a racer. The fastest ever. I'm even going to be faster than the wind."

"I don't think anyone can be faster than the wind."

"I will be. If you don't believe me, you'll have to come see me race sometime. When you get off the streets, come and find me, and I'll take you driving in my car sometime."

"Honto?" The boy sounded so hopeful, even excited. It was easy to forget how young one really was in a world such as they lived in.

"Sure. Promise. But you've got to get yourself on your feet first and be somebody."

"I will. I won't be here forever. I want to go to college and be something really great."

"Like what?"

"I don't know yet. Maybe I'll be a doctor or an astronaut. Yeah! That's it! I'll be an astronaut and pilot a space shuttle. You think I can do it, right?"

"I think you can do anything as long as you're willing to bust your ass for it."

"I will. And then I'll come back to Japan so I can ride in your car and see you race." Slowly, the boy slipped off to sleep, and Haruka was left to listen to the rain as it fell and watch terrific bolts of lightning streak across the sky.

Two weeks later Haruka heard that Sousuke was dead. He'd been sleeping underneath a truck for shelter. The ignorant driver hadn't thought anything was out of the ordinary when he'd started the engine, and the boy was not able to get out in time.

* * * * *

_"The silence is approaching__….__" Haruka turned toward the voice. Chaos reigned over the world around her. It seemed that nothing could survive the destruction. Perhaps that was the point._

_As the young tomboy turned to see who had spoken, everything suddenly vanished in a flash of light._

Haruka opened her eyes, blinking in the morning sun. Still… she still could not see the girl clearly. But the dream was becoming more vivid, as if slowly revealing itself to her. She was not sure she wanted to know… wanted to see the end… But she did want to see the girl. If even just once, even if she was only a dream.

Pushing herself to her feet, Haruka slung her bookbag over her shoulder. No one was around, but she could hear cars on the roads nearby and other sounds that betrayed the vast number of living beings that dwelled in Japan's capital.

Haruka started off alone, going nowhere simply to end up nowhere and begin again the next day. More and more she was alone as time went on. The group of homeless children that had gravitated together to form a makeshift version of security in numbers was changing rapidly. Many teamed up with older teenagers, more experienced in the ways of the streets, less desperate, and more a part of the underworld that Haruka's companions had thus far merely gotten a glimpse of. As the group evolved more and more into what might classify as a gang, Haruka found she wanted less to do with some of their common activities. Slowly, she had started to drift away. Still, she had not fully isolated herself from them and so was still affected by if not effectively caught in the whirlpool of events and consequences brought about by the change.

One day, seemingly not special, early in the month of February, Haruka had temporarily dropped her loner attitude, bred deeply within her from childhood, and allowed herself to become one within the group once again. She still remained aloof, as always. None could ever claim having a close relationship with her or even knew anything about her. She'd just as soon have it that way. They needed know nothing but what they already did. She had no desire to develop strong bonds of friendship with anyone. It was a lonely existence, but it was all she knew.

"Haruka-kun!" A young boy about Haruka's age by the name of Jittai ran up from behind her, clapping her hard on the shoulder. Haruka barely glanced at his grinning face as he slowed to her pace and walked along beside her. "Haruka-kun, you're a good fighter, right?"

"What's it to you?"

"Come on, we're all friends here, right?"

Haruka nearly snorted at the word "friends," but she replied anyway, "I can hold my own."

"Good. Then you'll help us on Sunday."

"What's Sunday?"

"Well you see, a bunch of dickheads from the western side of Juuban challenged us the other day, so we're gonna have a rumble on Sunday at eleven. You're in, right?"

Haruka shrugged his hand off her shoulder. "It's your own business who you wanna fight. I've got nothing to do with it."

"Ah, come on! We could use you on our side! Besides, we're like family. Out here, each other's all we got. What d'ya say?"

"No. You pick a fight, you finish it. Someone else picks a fight, you walk away or defend your pride — it's your choice. But I don't fight other people's battles for something as stupid as pride. Fight them yourself."

Jittai shook his head in disgust. "You're a punk, you know that? Don't you even have the guts to stick up for you friends?"

"If I ever find friends, I'll be happy to stick up for them."

"That's it!" Jittai, fully enraged, took a swing at Haruka's head. Haruka ducked easily and brought her own fist up into his ribs. The boy grunted in pain and doubled over.

"Take the clue, baka. I don't want to have to beat up a wimpy-ass punk like you."

"Kuso! Have you _no loyalty_?"

"Not to you." Suddenly, there came shouting from somewhere around the corner.

Straightening painfully, Jittai started running toward the noises. "That sounds like Shio!"

Haruka took off after him, easily passing him and making the scene first. Sure enough, Shio and several more of their companions, some of whom Haruka knew by name and others she did not, were the ones causing the commotion.

The man did not look like a pushover. Haruka doubted he'd ever worried about mugging. But against so many, some well into their teen years, he'd found himself at a disadvantage.

"Hey! Here comes more backup!" one of the older boys laughed. Haruka did not know him particularly well. He was at least sixteen and was looked up to by most of the younger children and teenagers. Any way around, Haruka was not about to stand by and watch, "friends" or not.

The man the others had been mugging was unconscious by the time Haruka's fist connected with the teenager's face. He'd never even seen her coming. "Watch your back, guys!" Jittai yelled. "Haruka's off his head!" The rest of the boys were stunned at first but reacted swiftly.

In the middle of the fight, no one noticed the running steps approaching. Haruka did not realize anything was wrong until several of the boys on the outside of the group started shouting to run. It was then that they noticed the cops who had managed to sweep in unknown while they were so preoccupied. Everyone immediately forgot everything else and made a break for it. Haruka was no exception. But her luck was bad that day.

Being in the center of the fight, Haruka had the hardest time finding a clear path to run. She was swiftly intercepted by a police officer. Shouting and cursing at her captivators, Haruka fought wildly to break free. Soon, though, the cops had her pinned to the ground. It took three of them to hold her down as a fourth cuffed her wrists behind her back.

Haruka swore under her breath, cursing her luck. Only fate could tell what would happen to her next.

After the cops had taken Haruka to a local jail, her wrists had been unbound, and she'd been told she could make one phone call. Call… Who did she have to call? And what would happen if she had no one to get her out?

With only one thin string of hope in mind, Haruka dug through the pockets of her jeans. She had almost given up when she found a small, crumpled slip of paper. _"If you ever need any help, Wonderboy, I'd be honored to return the favor."_ Drawing a slow breath, Haruka dialed the number.

* * * * *

Haruka sat in silence in the back seat of the car, Ame and her uncle, a young man by the name of Kameda Teashi, sitting up front. Hardly a word had been spoken since they'd arrived to pick her up. "Thank you," Haruka finally said softly, "for helping me."

Ame turned to smile back warmly over the seat. "It was the least I could do. We're going to meet Shugi and my boyfriend at the arcade. Would you like to come along?"

Haruka did not understand why she found herself answering yes — but she figured it could hardly hurt. After Ame and her uncle had come to her aid without so much as inquiring into why she found herself behind bars, she could at the very least behave courteously.

Shugi was concentrating diligently on an _Initial D_ racing game when the three walked in. Ame's boyfriend moved to kiss her lightly on the lips before saying a friendly hello to her uncle. He then looked down at Haruka.

"You two weren't very well introduced last time we met," Ame said with a smirk. "Haruka-san, this is my boyfriend, Tsure. Tsure-kun, this is Wonderboy." Her eyes glittered playfully. For a brief moment, Haruka was content to be there. For some unknown reason, she felt…

"Haruka-san!" Shugi's face was beaming. "Haruka-san, come race me! Ne? Will you?"

"I'd love to, but…"

"Here." Tsure held out several silver coins to Haruka. "One race."

Mumbling thanks, Haruka took the money and sat down in the seat next to Shugi's, sliding the coins in the appropriate slot. Numbers began to count down on the screen. As soon as the word "Go" flashed, Shugi slammed his foot down on the gas petal. His car took off, tearing down the track.

"You know, that means you're supposed to start driving now," the siblings' uncle Kameda whispered down to Haruka. She simply stared ahead at the screen.

"I know, it's just…" The young teenager slid her hands over the wheel and the gearshift. They were nothing like those in a real car, but they still brought back memories. "It's just been so long." Tightening her grip, she finally brought her foot down on the accelerator, and her virtual car took off after Shugi's, gaining rapidly. She took corners without losing speed, applying techniques she'd learned long ago in a real driver's seat.

If Shugi was surprised when Haruka passed him the first time, he freaked when she lapped him. He immediately threw all the power the car had into trying to catch up, but for all his efforts, it was a futile attempt. Haruka laughed when the race ended and reached over to tousle the boy's hair. "Good race. You're not too bad."

"That was some impressive driving," Kameda Teashi said to Haruka later as the two sat in a booth off to the side. "Ame told me you actually know how to drive, too. Kind of odd for a kid your age, isn't it?"

Haruka shrugged. "I always wanted to race cars. My whole life."

Kameda smiled secretively. "You know, I have a dream too, ever since I was a kid. I always wanted to be a mechanic. My goal is to become such a great mechanic that I can work on the best cars for the best drivers."

The young teenager's eyes lit up just a bit, almost unnoticeably to someone who did not know how to look. "You work with cars, you mean?"

"Yep. In fact, I just finished on a car for a new racer. The guy's pretty green — not sure he even knows what he's got under his fingertips when he's in that car. Would you like to come down to the circuit with me so I can test it out? Need to make sure everything's working all right before I give it back."

Haruka blinked in surprise. "Honto?"

Kameda nodded. "These kids'll be fine on their own. Ame doesn't need a babysitter anymore." After telling the others where they were going, Kameda and Haruka left the arcade. Haruka hadn't felt so excited in years. It felt almost as if her life had fallen right back into her lap, and she had not been ready for it. But this was just one day. Things would go back to normal soon enough. Or maybe it was not just a day. Haruka could not ignore the small but nagging thought in the back of her mind that perhaps this might be her opportunity to seize the future, the chance she'd been waiting for.

Almost everyone at the racetrack already knew Kameda. Because she was with him, no one questioned the reasons for Haruka's presence. It was an incredible feeling of elation just being there — Haruka could actually see and hear the cars on the track. For once in her life, she felt like she was _home_, like she belonged.

Kameda unlocked one of the garages, and Haruka followed him inside. "There she is. Just brought her back here from the shop this morning. Hasn't been taken out for a test drive yet." Haruka's face lit up. She could not remember having been so excited _ever_. "Why don't you go take a look?"

The girl did not hesitate an instant. Kameda opened the hood for her, prepared to go over all the specificities of the car, but she gave him no time to speak. She knew everything already, rattling off the specs as if she'd designed it herself.

Kameda laughed as he sat off to the side while Haruka continued to study every aspect of the racecar and make suggestions on how to make it faster under specific conditions. What truly impressed him was that most of her suggestions he would agree with. "You sure know a lot about cars, kid."

"My uncle was a mechanic when I was little. I started learning from him. Besides, if I seriously plan to race, I have to at least know what it is I'm driving."

"Good point," the man laughed. "Come on, let's get her out on the track. I'll show you how it's operated."

At the starting line, Kameda went over all the driver's controls — unsurprised to find that she already knew those as well — and let Haruka sit in the driver's seat for effect. The girl wiggled about in the seat. "It's a bit big for me."

He laughed. "Well you're a bit small, even for a driver." A sly grin split the man's face, and he leaned closer to her. "How would you like to test drive it for me?"

Haruka's gaze immediately snapped from the controls to Kameda's face, wondering if he could possibly be serious. "_What_? You can't… _me_?"

"Think you can't do it?"

"No, it's not that…. It's just…"

"You've driven real cars before. I'd wager at high speeds."

"Well, yeah, but…"

Kameda shrugged. "Then what?"

Haruka paused, weighing her words. "Why the hell would you let a _kid_ drive a professional racecar? Seems like a damn high gamble to me."

Straightening his posture, the man held his hands up. "Hey, offer's going. Take it or not."

Slowly, Haruka smiled. "You're really serious." It was more of a statement than a question. Kameda held out a racing helmet for her.

A wide smile dominated the young man's face as he watched the girl tear around the track. Her driving had proven not to be a disappointment. It seemed to him that he'd won the gamble… and discovered a buried treasure for the world of car racing.

"Isn't that Tokusei Shinji's car?" Yomite Yoru, the young racer's manager, asked as he joined Kameda down by the track.

"Yep. That would be it."

"Who's that driving? Not Shinji. Is he one of ours?"

"Nope. Just a kid off the street."

Yomite's attention snapped back to the man next to him. He was stunned to see that Kameda was not joking. "Are you _insane_?"

"Apparently not. Look at her drive."

"Her? That's a _girl_ in that car?"

"Yep. Don't be fooled by appearances. My nephew and niece both mistook her gender."

"How old's this kid?"

"No more than thirteen, I'd say."

"You can't be serious!"

Kameda smiled as Haruka pulled to a staggeringly quick stop before them, the tires squealing from the friction. "You can see for yourself. She just finished her last lap."

Haruka leapt from the car, jerking off the helmet with a beaming smile on her face. "Incredible, Kameda-san! It handles like a dream!"

"I'd like you to meet my friend, Yomite Yoru," Kameda said, motioning to his companion. "He's a manager for racers. Always looking for new prospects."

Haruka stared at the man, stunned. So much in one day… But Yomite appeared to be almost more excited than she was about their meeting. He shook her hand enthusiastically. "Pleased to meet you. Would you possibly be interested in driving professionally?" Haruka nodded mutely. The man grinned. "Well, in that case, I'm sure our sponsors would be happy to sign a contract with such a promising young driver. Er… I'm sorry, I never caught your name."

Slowly, the girl managed to find her voice as everything in her life began to fall into place. Maybe for good. In any case, Haruka lived only for the present. And in her present moment, she felt the sky open up before her, ready to carry her away on its timeless, gravity-defying wind. "My name… is Ten'ou Haruka."

* * * * *

_I wish I could be like the wind. Just like the simple wind, escaping the force of gravity and disappearing into the sky…_

Everything from that moment forward had gone just as Haruka had always hoped since she was old enough to understand how to dream. She'd signed a contract to become a professional racer. With her career underway, she had given some attention to completing her education. After studying in preparation, she'd tested to be accepted into a prominent junior high and had been placed in the proper class. She was surprised to find she did not need to make up any grades after having been out of school for months on end. She had gotten an apartment and become involved in school sports, and so her life had come together. Almost as if nothing else had ever happened beforehand. So she forgot about the past, let her memories slip away into the dream land where she never ventured.

Leaning over the railing of the bridge, the wind blowing lightly at her sandy, boyish hair, the teenager allowed the aluminum can, still half-full of the beverage within, to slip from her grasp. It fell through the air to crash into the waves below, its contents causing a momentary discoloration in the deep blue water before dissipating into nothingness.

"You shouldn't do that," came an angelic voice from behind. Haruka knew without turning whose it was. "You'll pollute the water."

Straightening, Ten'ou Haruka turned to scowl at Kaiou Michiru. The girl tried her best to hide the hurt she felt at Haruka's cold treatment. Her charming smile hardly wavered at all.

Haruka's nightmare had grown worse as she grew older. She'd finally seen the girl, heard her voice speak clearly. And then she'd met her and now stood staring her steadily in the face. The most beautiful young woman she'd ever seen in her life. A person she would very much like to get to know… But Michiru brought with her a million factors that Haruka would rather not consider. Responsibilities… destiny… Haruka wanted none of that. To accept Michiru — to accept her duty, her true identity — she would have to let go of everything. And that was something she was not prepared to do.

"Give the fish my apology," Haruka said brusquely as she brushed past Michiru, ignoring the look of pain on the young woman's face.

Michiru raised her face toward the sky. "I can feel its pain. Just like you can hear the whispers of the wind."

Haruka hesitated. But in the end, no matter what the girl said, it changed nothing. The wind would not catch her. "Then you understand pain. I suppose you're actually human after all and not just the world's savior."

"Haruka-san…" Michiru took a step forward. Her voice was firm, serious, but there was a depth behind it that somehow called to the tomboyish, hard-hearted teenager. But Haruka did not allow her the opportunity to speak. Without another word, she walked away, not looking over her shoulder to see Michiru's sad expression. Once again, she chose to walk away, leaving everyone behind her in the dust without allowing herself to mourn or regret. Once again, she found herself running away from the world. Just like the wind…

END

**AN: I've had some comment about this last scene, in terms of canon--from the series, some time passes between when Haruka and Michiru first meet and when Haruka finally becomes Sailor Uranus. Assume this takes place in that interval.^_^**

**Thanks, all, for reading**


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